10 Businessmen Who Would Make Better Presidents Than Donald Trump

Donald Trump is making some scary headway in the polls during this early, early presidential election season. But does he think he’s the only rich guy that could run? Here now are ten other rich dudes who could buy and sell you and would make better presidents or at the very least, better combovers.

Warren Buffet

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Warren Buffet is so rich, he gave away half his money and went from being the richest man in the United States to only the second richest. He could afford to give every person in the United States $100 just to vote for him. And with that kind of ca-ching, we could just buy Saudi Arabia outright and tell OPEC to suck it!

Chris Albrecht

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The man who turned HBO and the concept of pay TV to something other than a place for soft porn to die would make an awesome president. Who else would know more trivia about The Wire, The Sopranos and Boardwalk Empire when meeting with foreign dignitaries? Maybe we could actually try that episode of the Wire where they legalize drugs. Plus, it would be impossible for Bill Maher to criticize the pres without getting fired.

Joe Buckmaster

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The CEO of Craigslist would not only reduce the government to one, simple, no frills website, he could also refurbish the White House for less than $200. Maybe he could apply Craigslist logic to the Healthcare system, so posters could simply post their symptoms and look for the lowest bid for a cure and a date for afterwards.

Ray Kroc

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The late, great franchiser of McDonald’s could finally achieve what every empire-building president has never before: exporting Democracy abroad. With the right bright red logo, drive thru and tasty sandwich, the entire world could also be free, obese and wear horrible little paper hats.

Michael Eisner

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The former CEO of Disney could revive the US like he revived Disney, with the help of better CGI. Imagine the savings at the Defense apartment when all the tanks, missiles and ships are digital rendered rather than actually built. Add a few monsters, genies and giant insects and no one in their right mind would attack the US.

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Bill Gates

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As our first nerd president, Gates could finally show John McCain what email is. Although we run the risk of one of the jock countries to bully us out of our natural resources, he could totally hack our enemies stock exchanges and steal their money. It would be like Revenge of the Nerds 24/7.

Sir Richard Branson

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Although not technically American enough to run, he would have the coolest State of the Union Addresses from hot air balloons or while skiing down a mountain with a naked super model on his back. Plus, Air Force One would have a fully stocked mini bar and a store that sells music, DVD’s and T-shirts.

Mark Zuckerberg

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Finally, we could get some legislation for people who cheat at Farmville. Zuckerberg could legally execute people for posting horrible pictures of their friends and then tagging them without permission. America’s enemies would be brought to their knees, unable to receive pokes or “Like” anyone and Zuck already has all their private information too.

Steve Jobs

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Under President Jobs’ efficient, intuitive, but iron-fisted rule, our technology would become state-of-the-art. Of course, those who resisted would be rounded up and placed into Apple Reeducation Camps, but it would come with a free iPad2. Additionally, the scourge of Windows Vista would finally be eliminated.

Joe Francis

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Any man that could make lesbian porn mainstream can do anything. Let’s face it, as the CEO of Girls Gone Wild, what country would attack us? The Israeli/Palestinian conflict could finally be settled with a hot oil wrestling contest with hot, real college chicks. Who would win? Everybody!

  • ZingFee

    Heck yeah dude, Steve Jobs! That would be awesome!


  • me

    No, that would be the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard of you dumbass mac fanboy

  • Lakawak

    Wouldn’t we want a President that won’t die of liver and/or kidney failure before even taking the oath of office?

  • andy

    Jobs would raise taxes, but the tax forms would come in clean, sleek and modern envelopes as well as having several versions released throughout the year.

  • Willard

    Sooner or later once the silver-spoon real-estate huckster Trump is finally backed into a corner about his serious run for presidency, he will have to admit to the world that this was all a prank and is actually a real-life reality celebrity show, using the “stupid” American public, the media, the President and politicians as unwitting, gullible and unsuspecting players. He will then take credit for creating the hugest celebrity reality show ever known to mankind and hold a press conference as soon as he gets off his private plane thanking the media for playing right into his hands and for all the free press around the entire world they gave him. It was all for the ratings of the Trump brand folks! He out-Palined Palin herself 10 X over because as a privileged pompous egotistical carnival hawker he well knows there’s a sucker born every minute and he just knows that EVERYone is stupid except for him.

    By the way Donald, we demand to see your tax returns, college grades, political donations, testicles, DNA, interviews from people who actually knew you as a child, a statement from your first grade teacher so that we know you actually went to the first grade AND your mother’s placenta so we know that you were actually born.

  • skeet

    Zuck and Jobs? Really?

  • Donald Trump is a smart marketing guru who is trying to manipulate the media to build his brand. Unfortunately, he isn’t smart enough to realize that in this politically correct era that we live in he is actually hurting his brand by speaking before he thinks. He can’t take criticism so he wouldn’t make it pass the first few debates be fore he dropped out/