Plenty of people (ie: Paris Hilton, Lisa Vanderpump and other celebrities with too much money to spend) pamper their pets with elaborate wardrobes, plush bedding and tasty treats filled with pricey meats. Plenty of people (ie: the rest of us) also have problems with ravenous dogs that eat what they please, despite daily offerings. A strappy sandal here or plate of lasagna there – these are things we expect dogs to shamelessly destroy when our backs are turned. But as shown in our list below, man’s best friend can also covet man’s most expensive items; from high-end jewelry to cold hard cash.
Liz Taylor’s La Peregrina Pearl
The most famous pearl known to man (not to be mistaken with she of the last name Bailey – the late vaudeville actress / “Ambassador of Love,” as appointed by Richard Nixon) goes by the name of La Pelegrina and is the largest, most perfectly symmetrical pear-shaped pearl in the world. After being found by an African slave over 500 years ago, it was passed to (see also: confiscated by) European kings and queens, and recently ended up in the hands of Dame Elizabeth Taylor – But not before it ended up in the mouth of one of her Lhasa apsos. The pearl, which was a Valentine’s Day gift from Taylor’s former lover Richard Burton, clocked in at 55.95-carats and was worth around $37,000.00 in 1969. Within moments of receiving it, Liz thought she had carelessly dropped the pearl in her buxom bosom, only to then hear her pampered pooch crunch down on the pearl like a kibble and/or bit. Luckily, Liz was able to recover the bauble by manually fishing it out of the poor pup’s wind pipes, and it has since be re-sold via auction for a record $11.8 million.
Kate Middleton’s Pearl Earrings
In 2010, the now-duchess of Cambridge also (allegedly) had a run-in with a pooch and some pearls after Wills gifted her with the finest pairing of pearl earrings the royal could find. Word on the street is that Wills gave Kate some antique studs for her 28th birthday, which she carelessly left on her bedside table after an evening of cricket and crumpets and fish and chips or whatever. Otto, Kate’s cocker spaniel,
took to the studs like a magpie in a chandelier shop, and Kate was forced to sift through the dog’s poo like a commoner upon discovering the mishap. While the actual value of the earrings remains unknown, Otto “eventually produced the evidence of his guilt,” after which Wills simply went out and got his gal another pair. “He said the main thing was that Otto was okay,” aka: “I would rather double my loss than let my people know that my girlfriend is wearing poop-stained studs.” Ahh, romance.
$1,250 Gucci Watch
In 2002, Lulu the Labrador thought it was about time she be treated with some respect, and demanded such by eating her owner’s $1,250.00 Gucci watch. In another case of generous men and careless women, Eliza Hastings chose to place her pricey present on an easily accessible bedroom dresser after receiving the watch as a Christmas gift from her husband Richard. On the fateful night that ended in an X-ray, Lulu, who had “a [known] passion for chewing things,” was being kept at bay while the couple had guests over – “The lady had very nice shoes,” Eliza said. After finding the gate ajar and her watch missing, Eliza put two and two together and realized that her lab clearly valued Gucci over Prada (Can you blame her?). After rushing Lulu to the animal hospital, doctors found the watch (still telling perfect time, no less) and “a really big sock.” After removing the watch, which was only slightly tarnished by the dog’s gastric acid, Lulu lived to devour countless socks and Eliza finally started storing her nice things in high places.
40 Pairs of Underwear, 300 Socks, 15 Pairs of Shoes, 1 Set of Car Keys
Speaking of socks, no one eats those things like Taffy the Springer Spaniel did in 2007. She straight up loves the stink. But sniffing them was never enough for ol’ Taffy, who ingested nearly 300 foot sweaters before finally having to undergo emergency surgery. But it wasn’t just the socks that put Taffy on the highway to the doggy-danger zone: Her owners, The Saaymans, claim she had also eaten 40 pairs of underwear, 15 pairs of shoes and a full set of car keys before they realized Taffy had a problem and required an intervention. More specifically, it was the 40th pair of underwear (belonging to their 3-year old son) that really tested Taffy’s limits and forced the spaniel into doctors’ care. The Saaymans said that “normally, all the other items would pass ‘naturally’ through Taffy, but in this case the undies got tangled in the dog.” Thankfully and conveniently, Mr. Saayman was himself a vet, and performed a two-hour operation to extract the unmentionables. In an effort to compromise, The Saaymans now allow Taffy to wear the socks instead of ingesting them.
Mia, a Doberman Pinscher in Hatfield, PA, apparently knew exactly what she was looking for in 2002 when she went digging through her owner’s coat pockets. Sue Galdeta allegedly left a five, some singles and two hundred dollar bills in her jacket one evening when Mia decided she needed some extra spending money. After rummaging past the five and the ones, Mia picked out the two Benjamins from the stack and retreated to the basement. When Sue went to use her big bills, she found them missing and did not immediately suspect her pet until the “usually well-behaved” dog made a “deposit” soon after. “I saw this little piece of paper,” said Sue, “with a one-zero-zero on it.” When Sue took Mia to the vet, they reassured her that the only damage done would be to Sue’s own wallet. Sue, refusing to accept blame and refusing to take the loss, called her bank in an effort to make someone pay for her snooping pooch. Shockingly, the bank gave Sue two fresh hundreds in exchange for a seriously hearty laugh. “We all thought it was hysterical. It was the first time we ever had anything like this happen,” said Helena Baron, branch manager of the Univest in Line Lexington. It may have been a first for the bank, but it certainly wouldn’t be the last time a dog tried to swindle their owner for a fat stack of paper.
Christy Lawrenson of St. Augustine, FL, was ready to go to the bank. In November of last year, she had an envelope on the countertop filled with ten hundred dollar bills, but expected to see them in her bank account hours later – Not in her dog’s stomach . Tuity, a four-year-old chow/Labrador mix, had a taste for the high life. The only problem was that she didn’t know how to spend her good fortune, and instead devoured both the bills and the envelope they were stored inside. When Christy noticed the dog’s blunder, she, much like Dame Liz Taylor, stuck her fingers down Tuity’s throat in an effort to induce the dividends. Lawrenson managed to piece together 9 of the hundred dollar bills and took her stash to the bank, as originally planned. In yet another show of good humor/pity, Christy’s bank replaced the 9 bills and was advised to send the slobbery remains of the 10th bill to the Department of Treasury for replacement. Way to give government employees one more reason to be disgruntled, Christy.
$1,250 in Rare Coins
We all know that dogs and postmen are like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston these days. And Bruce Goulborn’s spaniel Benny was totally the Jennifer Aniston in this next situation that ended up being a very expensive “accident” in 2009. The postman, being all sneaky and evil and stuff, with his blood-vile necklace around his neck, making out with his own brother in the mail truck, he was supposed to deliver a package to Mr. Goulborn – A package that contained over $1,000.00 in rare coins and required a signature upon delivery for that very reason. Since Mr. Goulborn wasn’t home, the postman got Brad Pitt, er, Goulborn’s neighbor, to sign for the package instead. After getting a signature, the postman shoved the package of rare coins through Mr. Goulborn’s mailslot and directly into the mouth of Benny. Benny was obviously blind-sided by the delivery; and, upon hearing commotion by the front door, had no choice but to open wide and accept the parcel himself . When Mr. Goulborn got home and found the contents of the parcel damaged, he took the Royal Mail to court and ended up receiving more than half the original value in compensation. The postman lost his dignity, but got to keep his job and still remains sexy.
$10,000 in Diamonds
$1,250.00 in coins pales in comparison to the $10,000.00 in diamonds that Chuck Roberts lost in 2011 when his precious pooch, Honey Bun, devoured some diamonds at the jewelry store he co-owns in Albany, GA. Honey Bun was one of those pets who became a fixture at their owner’s place of work – Is it real? Can you touch it? Is it for sale? What’s the deal here? He was well loved, cute, tiny and apparently super curious about some of the gems Roberts left on his desk as he got up to greet a customer.
A.) Who leaves loose diamonds around?
And B.) Who leaves loose diamonds around?!?!
These questions remain unanswered, but an X-ray shed light on Honey Bun’s guilt (even though carbon doesn’t show up on an X-ray, two blank spots provided reasonable doubt) after Roberts noticed that one of the four packs of diamonds disappeared (each pack contained $10,000 in loose 1-karat diamonds for earrings, so it could have been way worse). Roberts was able to have the diamonds cleaned and sent back to the supplier, and “is now a bit more cautious about where he leaves his chair.” Or maybe he could be a bit more cautious about where he brings his dog? Just sayin’.
George Kaufmann befell a similar fate in 2010 when his store-slothing golden retriever, Soli, decided that diamonds made a pretty good best friend for girls and dogs. When a butterfingers diamond dealer brought in a $20,000 rock for Kaufmann to inspect at his store in Rockville, VA, rather than holding onto it for dear life, the dealer promptly dropped the diamond and onto the floor it fell. Seemingly disappearing into thin air, Kaufmann turned to Soli, who was guiltily sitting nearby; and, upon grabbing the dog by the jowls, felt a fateful swallow . Kaufmann was then advised to keep an eye on Soli’s excrement, to which he noted that he “had to go through it, which was not that nice. [My] cousin, who’s a dentist, he thought it was really funny. He brought [me] a box of rubber gloves.” Plowing through poop is a small price to pay for a $20,000 diamond, which is exactly what Kaufmann found after three days.
A Police Car
And then there was the dog that ate a police car. Yes. A car. A police car. A dog ate a police car. You are reading this correctly. Rick Ross ain’t a boss. Winston the Bulldog is a boss. Because Winston the Bulldog, who hails from Chattanooga, TN, basically dismembered the entire front end of a cop car with his bare paws in March of 2010. And get this: Apparently, once additional humans were called to the scene of destruction for back-up, they attempted to both tase and pepperspray Winston – to no avail. Seriously. That is about as hard as hard gets. Winston devoured the tires and front bumper before he was taken into custody and sentenced to two obedience classes. Since the incident, he has lost his taste for patrol cars, found God and fathered at least 4 children under 3 different mothers.