20 Annoying People You Might Meet in a Bank Line

PopCrunch put up a hilarious post about T-shirts not to wear when meeting your girlfriend’s parents. Seeing as banks these days are almost as threatening as angry parents (angry parents yell when provoked; banks simply collapse and disappear), Business Pundit went on a search to find money-oriented T-shirts out there that no normal citizen wants to see.

Picture waiting in line for a bank teller. You turn around, and the person behind you is wearing one of the T-shirts listed below. Which T-shirt–and possible conversation–would irritate you the most?

1. The Smarmy Mortgage Broker

Yes, that’s right, I’m a mortgage broker! Oh wait, yours defaulted? Jeez, I’m sorry. Know anybody who needs one? No, a*hole? Did you just call me an…I see…I’m going to go get some coffee now.

2. The Proud Banker

I’m proud of what I do, because I do it right. You want money, you say? Sorry about that. Can you wait 60 days?

3. The Rich Jerk

Subprime doesn’t affect me. Heck, I’m not even sure what it is. I think my house in the Caymans is due for a refinance. Do you have a place in the Caymans? Why not? You should get one.

4. The Trustafarian

Man, I am so sick of hanging out at my folks’ vacation home on Kauai. Where do you think I should travel next? I was thinking of yachting to Easter Island, but, you know, it takes like for-*ever*…

5. The Greedy Bastard

I make make a fortune off of oil speculation. And did you know they’re opening a betting pool around the number of foreclosures slated to hit the market this year? Those poor bastards could make me $10 grand in a week if I play it right.

6. The Proud Survivor

I am *so* glad that the subprime thing didn’t hit me. I swear, we escaped by the skin of my husband’s holiday bonus. Aren’t we lucky?

7. The World’s Best Credit Analyst

I just don’t understand why all those CDOs didn’t pay out. They looked so perfect!

8. The Retiree in Denial

I just kind of felt like retiring at 55. Everything worked out for me. I don’t understand why the AARP keeps publishing all these pieces on how to protect your retirement assets. Mine are just fine.

9. The US Department of the Treasury Buff

The Treasury building in DC is amazing! Have you seen it? I’m going to write Henry Paulson and thank him for running such a venerable institution. Think I should address him as Hank?

10. The Rub-it-in-Your-Facer

I’ve never carried any debt or owed anyone a cent. You guys are stupid for getting in debt in the first place.

11. The Mean Rich Person

My toy chihuahua just chewed through the alligator skin covering on my Rolls Royce’s steering wheel. So annoying. Now I have to, like, custom-order a brand new one.

12. The Hard Worker

I don’t get why people want to take away Wall Street executives’ golden parachutes. We worked for every cent!

13. The Federal Reserve Lover

I have complete faith in the Federal Reserve. They just print money when we run out, right?

14. The Gloater

How much money do *you* have in the bank? ‘Cuz, you know, *I* have money in the bank. In case you didn’t notice.

15. The Filthy Rich Person

I think that “filthy rich” means making at least $50 million off savings account interest every year. What’s been your experience?

16. The Mortgage Pimp

Want a mortgage? Don’t worry, I still offer them interest-free. Just sign these papers giving the government rights to your children’s Hannukkah gifts.

17. The Real Estate Baron

You got real estate? Yeah? Well, me too. Want to know how many properties I own?

18. The Rich Bitch

I don’t read the newspapers at all. They’ve gotten so boring. All they talk about is these boring old men in a big boring building talking about lame money stuff. I mean, who cares?

19. The Person With Money

I have some money. Can you believe that? A year and a half ago, I was smart enough to take all of my money out of the financial sector and put it in Yemeni carpet bomb bonds. It’s been doing so very well there. Why didn’t you do the same thing?

20. The Hot Rich Person

People in school always told me I was ugly. But you know what? I’m hot, because I’m a .com millionaire. Chicks look right through my Rubik’s cube collection and armpit stains. Because I’m rich. I’m hot and I’m rich. Want to hang out in my hot tub?

  • These shirts cracked me up in my RSS reader, although I’d have to admit one applies to me (don’t start throwing things!).

  • Haha I think these are funny and a bit more well thought out than some of the incredibly weird ones that you see nowadays.. “I’ve gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me there!” Shirts like these, in my opinion, are like bumper stickers. Bumper stickers serve only one purpose, to piss off the guy behind you. Wearing these kinds of shirts may not only give a bad impression to your girlfriends parents, but to anyone else that sees you.

  • Ajit

    What are Yemeni carpet bomb bonds in point number 19?
    I did a google and yahoo search, but to no avail?
    what kind of bonds are these?

  • Drea

    Ajit–They’re a figment of my imagination. I was making fun of the United States war effort in the Middle East. Yemen comes up in the news now and then; sometimes Yemen and the US get into scuffles. I figured that with the national debt as high as it is, the Department of Defense might issue its own bonds to finance carpet bombing destinations in Yemen. But it won’t, of course. That’s what taxpayers are for.