4 Presidential Candidates Running for God


Politics, the biggest mess on the planet. Politics have seen a concept as simple as ‘societal progression’ muddled with money, greed, lies, ulterior motives, and religion until it’s beyond recognizable. Politics are completely imaginary — we made them up. We invented two sides, pitted them against one another, and successfully distracted one another from the real issues with long debates filled with politically correct jargon, sponsors, and religious fanatics. Mixing religion with politics is just as bad, if not worse, than the vicious cycle of dollar signs and greedy old white men. Religion has caused wars, genocides, a lot of cruelty, a bunch of arguments, and laws which do nothing but impose on the private lives of innocent people. Here are five politicians who are not only gung-ho for God, but claim that the guy actually told them to run for office.

Herman Cain



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Presidential candidate Herman Cain has been getting flak for more than just his stupid remarks about pizza and Occupy Wall Street.

Cain has claimed that God spoke to him through his granddaughter, telling him to run for president. When he finally realized what God wanted him to do, Cain claims, “I was like Moses.”

Other remarkable things Cain has spouted include:

– Accusing Obama of creating OWS to divert attention from the Obama Administration’s failed policies
– Accusing China of ‘trying to develop nuclear capability’ (which they have had since the 60s, by the way)
Not knowing his own opinion on Libya
– Saying sissy men like plain/vegetable pizza, as opposed to real men, who enjoy multiple meat toppings (no homo, Cain)

Oh, he’s also accused of multiple counts of sexual harassment (some of which he ‘doesn’t’ remember — that’s his defense) and thinks that waterboarding isn’t torture. 

Rick Santorum



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Reowned homophobe Rick Santorum is a lawyer and former PA senator who will actually be another GOP candidate for the presidential run this year. Santorum wasn’t as cut-and-dry about God’s mission for him, but the message is pretty clear in his “Happiness is Doing God’s Calling” message on his website:

“…true happiness comes from not pursuing pleasure, not pursuing what you want to do, but from pursuing what you ought to do — in fact, what God is calling you to do. That results in true happiness”

Santorum is guilty of a number of discriminating, hateful statements. He basically blamed children for being sexually abused by priests and is vehemently against ‘homosexual acts’ — but not homosexuality. Santorum claims that homosexual acts, sodomy, polygamy, and other unChristian things are a threat to what he calls ‘the family’. Santorum believes that this sparkly ideal of the American family should be preserved, and that means no homos allowed.

Other entertaining quotes from Santorum include:

“The American left hates Christendom. They hate Western civilization”

“The most dangerous place for an African-American in this country is in the womb” (On abortion)

“Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?”

“Marriage is not about affirming somebody’s love for somebody else. It’s about uniting together to be open to children, to further civilization in our society”

“The right to privacy…doesn’t exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution”

Michele Bachmann


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Michele Bachmann is the presidential candidate whom almost no one takes seriously anymore. Another homophobe, Bachmann has been taped participating in an anti-gay church sermon and recently signed a pledge endorsing the idea that homosexuality is a conscious choice and condemning gay marriage… among other things (porn, cohabitation, adultery).

Bachmann claims she was “called” to run for president by God, the love of her life since age 16. Other quotes from her include:

“What a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you cant say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it”

“Not all cultures are equal”

“Gay marriage is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, 30 years. I am not understating that”

“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas”

Rick Perry



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All of these people are Republicans. Just wanted to put that out there in case there’s a confused dingus out there. Rick Perry is another God warrior; his wife was apparently repeatedly pestered by God to persuade Perry into the run for president. “He needs to see a burning bush,” God apparently told Anita Perry.

Recently, Perry came under fire for forgetting the third federal agency he would eliminate — leaving him stuttering and looking utterly dumbfounded for a few seconds until his earpiece started working again.

Predictably, Perry is yet another homophobe, and compared homosexuality to diseases like alcoholism and accuses ‘radical gay groups’ of trying to push some oversexualized homo-agenda onto society — by doing away with discrimination and teaching tolerance instead of hatred.

Other quotes from Perry include:

“From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented” – On BP Oil Spill

“It’s a theory that’s out there. It’s got some gaps in it. In Texas we teach both Creationism and evolution” –Rick Perry, in response to a child who asked him if he believed in evolution
“You can always follow me on Tweeter”

“I am a firm believer in intelligent design as a matter of faith and intellect, and I believe it should be presented in schools alongside the theories of evolution”

“Even if an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol once it enters his body, he still makes a choice to drink. And, even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender”