After reading about plastic surgery for the dead, we decided to remind everyone that there are a million good ways to spend $5,000. The dumb and expensive procedures below are not among them:
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8. Calf implants
If the calf raise at the gym doesn’t work, you can always get silicon implants on the backs of your legs.
7. Pec implants
If the bench press doesn’t do the trick, the ‘roids will. If those fail, it’s time to go under the knife and procure a set of man-sized silicone implants. http://www.bodynew.com/procs/body/pectoralImplants/
strong>6. Botox in the balls of the feet
Walking around in high heels can hurt, but plastic surgery has found a solution. Injecting numbing Botox into the balls of the feet is purported to protect and numb tissue there so that women can walk around in high heels longer and with less pain.
5. Buttock contouring
If long hours at the office have left your rump looking more like something from IHOP than InTouch, fret not. Your friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon can save you hours at the gym through a little artistic restructuring. Don’t forget the doughnut pillow on your way out.
4. Hymen restoration
It didn’t work out as planned the first time, but so what? Now, you can try again, with the help of anaesthesia, a knife, and your $5,000 born-again virginity.
3. Widening and lengthening the main attribute
It’s less work than the Swedish method, though temporarily more painful. Best left for porn stars and men who really need it.
2. Facial implants
The picture above says it all.
1. Plastic surgery after you die
Undertakers are now offering a postmortem option to Botox the wrinkles out of dead peoples’ eyes, lips, and cheeks. You can be dead and gone, but still look good. You know the plastic surgery is successful when people shake their heads and remark how young you died.