8 Dumb & Expensive Plastic Surgery Procedures

After reading about plastic surgery for the dead, we decided to remind everyone that there are a million good ways to spend $5,000. The dumb and expensive procedures below are not among them:

Warning: Post contains mature content

8. Calf implants

zzzcalf

If the calf raise at the gym doesn’t work, you can always get silicon implants on the backs of your legs.

7. Pec implants

zzzpecs

If the bench press doesn’t do the trick, the ‘roids will. If those fail, it’s time to go under the knife and procure a set of man-sized silicone implants. http://www.bodynew.com/procs/body/pectoralImplants/

strong>6. Botox in the balls of the feet

zzzbotox

Walking around in high heels can hurt, but plastic surgery has found a solution. Injecting numbing Botox into the balls of the feet is purported to protect and numb tissue there so that women can walk around in high heels longer and with less pain.

5. Buttock contouring

zzzjlo

If long hours at the office have left your rump looking more like something from IHOP than InTouch, fret not. Your friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon can save you hours at the gym through a little artistic restructuring. Don’t forget the doughnut pillow on your way out.

SEE ALSO:
Great Reasons to Move Your Startup to Asia

4. Hymen restoration

zzhymen

It didn’t work out as planned the first time, but so what? Now, you can try again, with the help of anaesthesia, a knife, and your $5,000 born-again virginity.

3. Widening and lengthening the main attribute

zzenlarge

It’s less work than the Swedish method, though temporarily more painful. Best left for porn stars and men who really need it.

2. Facial implants

zzplastic

The picture above says it all.

1. Plastic surgery after you die

zzdead

Undertakers are now offering a postmortem option to Botox the wrinkles out of dead peoples’ eyes, lips, and cheeks. You can be dead and gone, but still look good. You know the plastic surgery is successful when people shake their heads and remark how young you died.

  • Uncle B

    In the new American Meritocracy after the dollar crashes through the cellars of Hell and the ‘Cheap Oil Era” is ended by competition from the Yuan for Oil and world’s resources, When America no longer makes the biggest best cars in the world, no longer manufactures for the world, and her smokestack industries have all migrated to cheaper labor in Asia, in that day, this folly will stop! A return to older basic Christian values will be followed by a total collapse of all that was America and in concert with the U.S.S.R. we will sing of our glories in battles past as the great abyss closes over our heads, and our songs will echo off the walls of Hell as the grounds firm up again and all will be rubble around! For a first glimpse of this, started already in America, SEE: http://uprooted.jessicareeder.com/2009/09/detroit-and-the-100-dollar-house/comment-page-1/#comment-3003