Barack’s Semen Sells for $2,500


(Note: That image isn’t of Barack himself, but of another Simmental bull)

A funny piece from Westword’s Jared Jacang Maher:

Hopes are riding high on Barack right now, with many people counting on the Illinois resident to produce amazing results. In fact, so much is riding on Barack that his semen is selling for $2,500 a share!

A Westword operative cruising the livestock exchange at the National Western Stock Show…spotted a stack of glossy blue fliers advertising Barack. But this wasn’t presidential memorabilia; rather, it was touting a huge bull from rural Illinois. “Barack was producing flush quality semen at 11 months of age,” the flier read. “One semen share contract includes 50 units of semen in the first year.” The cost for a share of sperm: $2,500.

Barack the bull didn’t, um, come to the Stock Show himself, says Todd Line, whose Line Show Cattle is a co-signer on the animal, because he was too busy, if you know what we mean. So far, he and Barack’s co-owner, Jim Bloomberg, have sold 35 of the 50 sperm shares they’re offering.

Republican Line admits that in the ranching world, where politics typically skew as red as the meat, having a bull named after the most famous liberal in the world can make for some awkward moments around the cattle trailers. But with the new president’s inauguration, he’s been thinking a lot about the challenges faced by Obama the man.

“He’s got a mountain of work ahead of him to fix the country,” Line says. “And Barack the bull, he’s got a mountain ahead of him, too. He’s got to live up to what everyone expects of him because of who his (blue-blood) parents were.”

But the bull’s work has got to be easier than Obama’s…

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Written by Drea Knufken

Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.