So times are tough. That’s been established. What are you going to do about it? A lot of people have taken to Craigslist, searching for odd, temporary, or freelance gigs to get them through the holiday season with heat and electricity. Many of those able to work from home are even cleverly scanning the telecommuting gigs in other, more populated cities. Regardless of your skills and expertise, there are some things you should know to include — or exclude — from your emails to employers. Everyone knows the obvious ‘don’t call the company by the wrong name in your copypasta email template’, but there are a few subtler tips to help you put a respectable edge on your resume. Here are five things to avoid when applying for freelance jobs.
 

Using Irrelevant Samples

Image Source

 
Be prepared to reply to each ad with a response that is catered to that specific company. While this may be tiring when applying to multiple companies a day, it’s best to avoid copy and pasted cheat sheet emails. The biggest case against the copy/pasted email is that misinformation will often be accidentally sent to one company or more. You may be applying to a number of stiff, all-business companies looking for a social media guru, but that template probably won’t work for the quirky startup who wants a fun and interesting candidate. Even small differences, like mentioning the fact that you have a car, can make it obvious that you copy and pasted — especially if the company never mentions the need for a vehicle.

If you have samples to send, make sure they’re relevant. It may be a good idea to split your online portfolio into sections, if this applies to you. Just like you wouldn’t send your personal blog to a college as part of a student application, it may not be appropriate for the financial firm looking for a website copywriter. On the other hand, you want to avoid sending samples of your business writing in response to an ad for women’s lifestyle bloggers.

Making sure your samples are relevant can make a world of difference in your job application; don’t try to make the employer imagine what your work would be like in their field. Show them what you’re capable of doing in a relevant area; not only will the employer be more likely to hire you because they don’t have to decipher your work, but you will seem more competent and understanding as well. If you’re starting out or don’t have a heavy track record, it’s okay. Try and mock up some samples which you think would be relevant to the types of jobs you’re applying to. Starting out in the field of creative writing? Create some short stories or articles which sound like they would best represent you when being presented to a potential employer.

RE: Your Email’s Subject

Image Source

 
 
When applying to a number of jobs, the brain can become exhausted — especially when it comes to creativity. But unless a listing asks for you to respond with a specific subject line (such as “Editor Applicant, November”), it may be best to get a little inventive.

With a mailbox full of applicants who use the Craigslist ad’s title as their subject line, you can make your email stand out simply by spicing up your headline — which is the first thing anyone is going to read about you. Instead of “Designers Wanted for December” try responding with something a little more personal or specific. You want to stay professional, so avoid using exclamation points, misspellings, or silly characters. A good option in this case might be “Designer w. 8 Years Exp at Disney” or “Quirky Designer Experienced w Children’s Books” — whatever is relevant to the job at hand.

If you’re feeling sluggish after a slew of applications, don’t rush. It’s okay to take an extra hour or two to refresh your mind.

Inquiries

Image Source

 
It’s always good to have questions — it means you’re interested and want to be informed. However, make sure those questions don’t interfere with your application. It’s never a good idea to respond to an ad asking questions before sending your resume; employers don’t have time to engage you in a conversation before they know anything about you — they’re hiring you, not the other way around. This is especially true of coveted positions which can garner hundreds of resumes per opportunity. A short, incomplete email will get lost in the abyss.

Is the position still available? When was this posted? Can you tell me more? What’s the company called? I will only do this for X amount of dollars more than you’re offering — can we work something out?

If it’s still listed, assume it’s fair game. Check the date on the top of the ad. Prepare to learn more upon receiving a response, and don’t expect an insta-raise before you’re even hired.

Looking for information is a great way to protect and prepare yourself, but save the questions for the bottom of your application and at least include your resume for the employer. Otherwise, you look somewhat uninterested and a little arrogant, which are both great qualities for earning a place in the trash bin.

Overqualification

Image Source

 
You published two novels. You designed an entire book. You acted in an entire play which, quite frankly, paid more than what this guy is offering you now. Your accomplishments are undoubtedly something to be proud of, but be careful how you portray that pride.

There is a delicate balance between sounding qualified, sounding overqualified, and sounding somewhat arrogant. While you want your employer to know about your background and achievements, you don’t want to sound like you’re too good for the job.

Responding to a design job and immediately rattling off a string of awards and accomplishments in the first sentence of your email is not a good idea. Firstly, your work will speak for itself. Whether it be writing, design, art, performance, or social media, your track record speaks volumes. Then comes your resume, and finally, your cover letter. Although you may want to repeat the shiniest bullet points from your resume in the cover letter, try not to cram everything into the first sentence.

It’s especially a bad idea to tell the employer that others have paid you more than they are offering, unless that person is asking for you to provide your rates. Without a question of rates, talking about how much you were compensated for your last job sounds a little cocky and can be off-putting.

Not Following Directions

Image Source

 
You may think this is a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how many people fail to follow simple directions. Whether it be because the person didn’t read the whole ad, forgot a part of the instructions, or merely doesn’t think directions are imperative to the job, straying off the path is never a good idea. The employer wants what the employer wants, and with so many applications, the hungry job hunter better follow instructions or move on.

Not following directions can make the applicant look rude or a little dull around the edges — neither of which are good for business. Make sure to read the entire ad, especially if it’s longer than usual; companies will sometimes hide little bits of info (such as “put the date in your subject line”) just to see if you’re paying attention and being thorough.

Check out this infographic that details the top 7 cities to find finance jobs, along with a breakdown for what’s in demand and the skills, profiles of local candidates, and percentage change in salaries. Many thanks to Accounting Principals for conducting this study.

click below to expand graphic

Use The HTML Below To Embed This Graphic
<br /> <a href="http://www.businesspundit.com/the-top-7-cities-to-find-finance-jobs/"><img src="http://www.businesspundit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Finance-citiesB2.3-012.png" width="400" height="1696" title="The Top 7 Cities to Find Finance Careers"></a><br />Source:<a href="http://www.accountingprincipals.com/Pages/default.aspx">Top Cities For Finance Jobs – Accounting Principles</a><br />

1. Denver: Marketing Blog Commenter Needed

If you enjoy reading and learning about marketing, especially Internet related marketing, this may be the internship for you. I need someone to go and read marketing and business material at a variety of blogs and news sources online, and make real (not spammy) comments (thought provoking or insightful or funny comments) on the content of each of the posts on those blogs.

The first 30-45 days of this work will be an unpaid internship. At which time, if there is a mutual fit and the work you’ve done has been done in a quality fashion, we will negotiate an hourly rate not to exceed $9/hour.

OK, people, ‘fess up. Who’s getting paid to comment on this blog? Can I pay you to write flattering ones?

2. Connecticut: Need someone to make a dump run for me?

Hello…I am moving and need some help clearing trash/junk from my basement. Its a mixture of trash bags, broken down furniture, cardboard, a couch, old headboard and just random stuff. Probably just need a full size pickup truck or small truck w/ trailer. If you are interested please email or call me asap. I would be willing to pay $50 cash to the first person available. (I will not hire anyone with intentions on dumping illegally and would prefer someone that does this regularly)

Will pay $50 more if you remove the bodies.

3. San Diego: Toisanese Speakers Needed!!

Do you speak, read & write Toisanese? Are you interested in Law Enforcement? We want you!

Compensation starts at $30.00 per hour plus benefits.

Our previous ad asked for “Chinese speakers,” but that never seemed to work out…

4. Denver: Writing about Medical Marijuana

Candidate shall have knowledge regarding the subject matter as well as excellent writing skills. Candidate should also
have knowledge about social networking sites to implement and maintain presence.

Commuting not encouraged.

5. Orange County: Full time office Girl and Spanking Star wanted

Future Spanking Star Wanted!!! Have you always wanted to be a Model and or Star in your own spanking site? This is your chance! We are looking for a “girl” between the ages of 20 and 40 to be the Star and Spokes Model for our New Spanking Site.

We feel you should be able to make from $40,000 to $50,000 the first year from both jobs. Office work and Modeling.

Just don’t come complaining that you had a “hard” night.

Happy Friday!

If you’ve ever felt like you MUST COMPLETE THE PACKAGE OF BRANGELINA, then read on:

1. LA: Brad Pitt Type Needed

Seeking a Brad Pitt Look-a-like. Have you had people you say look like or kind of resemble Brad …This is prestigious work, and much better than bartending/waiter while striving for your big chance in acting! I don’t know about you but those job’s are to time consuming.

I am a professional Angelina Jolie Look-a-like. Today I work with many agencies, unfortunately I’ve have had to decline on many assignment’s as my previous Brad relocated out of state, Now I am seeking an Brad Pitt look-a-like to work with me exclusively.

I MUST COMPLETE THE PACKAGE OF BRANGELINA. All inquiries will be considered

Beautiful.

2. Hong Kong: China Gold Trading

China Gold Hong Kong is now looking for agents to do sales and marketing for our company. We are now offering attractive compensation packages and bonuses for individuals who have the ability to find quality investors in the gold market.

We have way too much gold. Please help us sell it.

3. Toronto: good life in canada

Come to canada thru the best Lawyer , best rates, canadian lawyer files for you directly in canada.
you can come as a permanent resident, with a job in hand within 1.5 yrs. to Country with free world class health care.

Please send contact info/resume/ phone number, to get to move in the best direction
thanks

Why isn’t there a similar ad for the US? Job in hand in 3 years, maybe. No health care, but that’s ok, the government warranties your new car for you…

4. LA: A Good transporter

A Good & diligent transporter is Needed

Strong resemblance to Jason Statham a plus.

5. Alberta: Sonographer

If you are a sonographer, with at least 1 year experience, then consider the adventure of a lifetime in beautiful Alberta, Canada. Think Rocky Mountains, Banff, Lake Louise, Jasper National Park, the Calgary Stampede, Grizzly Bears (hey – the aren’t poisonous!) Salaries range from $64-$85K Canadian.

Grizzlies aren’t poisonous, but they will tear your face off at the slightest provocation. Surely that counts for something.

Happy Friday!

1. Beverly Hills: SEEKING SHARP PERSONAL ASSISTANT

I am a busy, hard working and ambitious business owner. I run at a million miles an hour and need you to run alongside and whenever possible, ahead of me and to make me seem accessible when I am not. I need a right hand person for whom no job is too small or big, who is motivated by helping me build my business, by making my life easier and by making me feel and look like I’m ahead of the game. Please respond with your resume and salary history and expectations.

Please be OK with the fact that you will never be good enough for me.

2. National: CASTING SINGLE MEN: How Quick Can Pick Up A Chick?

Major cable network is casting for a new dating show! Looking for ALL TYPES of SINGLE GUYS. If you think you can impress a girl in 60 seconds — then we want to see what you can do! All TALENTS welcome!

Are you an educator who can teach a woman some lessons?
Are you a snake-charmer who can lure the ladies with your sexy call?
Are you a wine-expert or Sommelier who can win a woman’s heart with wine?
Can you chug a beer in record time?

Since when is chugging a beer in record time a way to pick up women?

3. Chicago: Help Wanted: Non-Union Plasterers

Non-union plasterers for year round work with a property management company.

Must have own tools, transportation and must speak English.

Please be just like a union guy, but without the union.

4. LA: Stressed Out Salon Owner?

Having issue’s with you salon. Difficulties finding staff,getting client’s into the salon, retaining clients, declining retail sales, these are just a few of the problems that can keep you up at night.
I know, having owned my salon now (6 years) and being a stylist since 1980.I have dealt with it all. I am now offering my services as a salon consultant,educator,trouble shooter.Let my experience help you.
Please send a email or give me a call for more information.

You need a copyeditor.

5. CA: $10,000 SIGN ON BONUS HVAC

Leading commercial environmental mechanical Service contractor is seeking experienced HVAC Technicians with 6+ years of Commercial experience.

10,000 sign on bonus Excellent Compensation and Benefit package including medical, dental, vision, 401(k) with a match, paid holiday and vacation pay, New van………….

You know times have changed when HVAC technicians are the only people getting signing bonuses anymore.

Happy Friday!

1. Fairbanks: Experienced Concrete Boom Pump Operator

Immediate opening for qualified Concrete Boom Pump Operator with mechanical background. Must have valid CDL, and working knowledge of Morgen booms. Salary DOE.

I know a concrete boom pump is truck-mounted, but the job title still sounds incredibly cool, invoking images of men with strong pecs and bad hearing. “I run a concrete boom pump” could be an excellent bar pickup line…

2. Wasilla: Building Erection wanted

Looking for a couple guys who can , or have, ereected a Miracle Steel building. Give me a quote to erect and install exterior metal.
Thanks

Once again, a lovely job title-cum-pickup line, though a bit more forward than boom pump.

3. Alaska: Food Expediter

Theatrepub is looking for an experienced food expediter. This position is very fast paced and requires extreme organizational skills. Must have good attitude and work well with others. Part time/Full time.

Food expediter? Now they’re even giving fast food cooks fancy titles.

4. National: Cat-Lover Television Host Needed

Searching for a CAT-LOVING TELEVISION HOST.

Your skill set includes the following:
-A deep personal understanding of cats, AND cat people AND the ability to connect with both.
-An understanding and appreciation of cat culture – you get a kick out of it, no matter how wacky.
-An ability to make cats hilarious & fascinating – your cat stories make even devoted dog lovers listen & laugh.
-You can turn a cat tale into something universal.

Somehow, I can’t imagine racy coverage of the dark underbelly of the cat world, which Bourdain pulled off with cuisine. This show could be interesting.

5. LA: Experience Drivers in L.A

National transportation company is looking for drivers for a part time postion in the area of Central Los Angeles, Long Beach, and West/East Los Angeles.

Must drive at least 85 on most roads, compulsively cut people off, and have a strong middle finger.

Happy Friday!

1. Chicago: Looking for a beard mentor

I’ve had a moustache and beard off and on over the years, and I’ve tried styling it in the past but I just can’t seem to get it to the next level. I’m looking for some srs protips with this, as well as possibly some styling services by someone with skilled hands. Please submit to me your beard/moustache resume. Also if you have pictures of you achievements that would be greatly appreciated.

* Compensation: negotiable depending on services

I’d love to see a picture of this guy.

2. CA: Need a cop uniform and cop car (can be undercover)

Looking for an actor or just anyone who can rent a cop uniform and cop car for a night. The cop car can be undercover too. If you’re an actor you will get copy, credit, pay and if your not we will obviously pay to rent. Thanks!! Email me with any questions etc.

Look, we’re actually planning on robbing a bank. The better an actor you are, the more likely we are to get away.

3. CA: celeb sightings pay well

celeb sightings pay well

* Compensation: 20 – 100 +

Shout out to all burned out actors–here’s your chance to get publicity and get paid!

4. NY: $40 hedge trim job needs done Sunday

Need some one with experience to trim hedges. Electric trimmer will be provided. Job needs to be done in the morning, May 16.

* Compensation: $40

My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and I’m too busy playing Crackdown 2 to make the hedges look good.

5. Vancouver: Penis Measuring

A friend of mine and I have been having a long-standing argument about whose penis is larger. We’ve tried having our girlfriends confirm to the other the exact size, but neither one of us buy it. I don’t want to see his penis and he doesn’t want to see mine. I don’t want my girlfriend looking at his penis and he doesn’t was his looking at mine.

* Compensation: $50

My friend will bribe you an extra $50 to say his is bigger.

Happy Friday!

Most of this week’s weird jobs cover things you’d only do as a last resort. Like drive a school bus. Or fetch golf balls. Or sell gay porn to people you’ve never met before:

1. CA: School Bus Driver

This position transports children, parents, and staff by driving a school bus to and from the school on morning or afternoon routes, and to and from special outings / field trips while adhering to driving regulations and providing a safe vehicle.

Requirements –
- High school diploma or equivalent (GED) required
- 1+ yrs college preferred
- Fully Certified School Bus Driver

Deafness also a plus.

2. CA: Memory Care Director

The Memory Care Director will manage the overall operation of the Memory Care Neighborhood in accordance with resident needs, government regulations and policies and procedures. Duties include: conducting resident screenings and family interviews; development and implementation of residents’ FlexCare Plans; planning, conducting and implementing staff training and coordinating educational opportunities; coordinating the annual review of the Alzheimer’s Program policy and procedures; coordinating in-service training; assisting in marketing and sales efforts; organizing and leading Resident Aide meetings; and providing written reports.

Job duties may also include reminding patients, on a daily basis, why they live in a place called Memory Care Neighborhood.

3. CA: Juice company seeking Part-Time Demo Specialist

We are seeking a highly-personable and energetic individual to sample our juice products at retail locations throughout Sacramento and surrounding cities.

Key Duties:
- Demo product for scheduled hours (3-4hrs) at retailers like Raley’s, Bel Air and Nugget Markets
- Write demo recap reports (template provided) and submit in timely manner, approximately 24-hour turnaround

Please do not bring vodka, rebrand the samples as shooters, and charge $1/per. The grocery stores won’t appreciate that.

4. CA: Entry level part-time sales in gay porn industry (training provided)

Part-time sales assistant needed for 11 year old company in San Fernando Valley that sells high quality gay porn. Will work with industry veteran sales person as assistant / trainee. Possibility to convert to full-time.

Job function will be calling new leads (provided) and entering sales orders under the guidance of industry veteran sales manager.

Must be comfortable talking about anuses with complete strangers.

5. Vancouver: Golf Ball Fetcher

Looking for young, outgoing people looking to learn business through a hands on approach. This job requires general labour of rounding up golf balls at various locations which will then be reused. Fantastic pay, and great for people looking to get the insides into the services business, while still getting exercise and enjoying the great outdoors!

Now that is an optimistic take on golf ball fetching.

Happy Friday!

The last two jobs in this list are really, really good. Promise:

1. National Sales Director, Hospice

A rapidly growing Quasi National Hospice Company seeks an experienced and successful Sales/Business Development Director to oversee Sales and Business Development activities for a very fast paced, State-of-The-Art company. This position requires EXTENSIVE TRAVEL to the territories and hands-on supervision of the sales force and Business Development process.

Must be good at finding places for people to die.

2. London: Escort Agency New Faces Required

We have several new vacancies due to business expansion. If you are new to escorting don’t worry you will have our full support,encouragement and understanding.

We pride ourselves in providing that extra feeling of satisfaction & fulilment to our clientele.

Our clientele are growing bored with the same old escorts, week after week. We need you to refresh the flock.

3. National: Licensing Dangerous Sport-Related Footage

We are buying footage from all sorts of sports.

Anything that’s really dramatic and/or unique..but there must be some very high-impact crash/wipeout/fight included. We are NOT interested in run-of-the-mill falls where the athlete bounces right back up.

We do not cover medical or interment costs.

4. Sonoma, CA: Wine Twitterer

As read on Mashable:

Murphy-Goode Winery in Sonoma County is offering…a $10,000 p/mo for six months, rent-free job updating Twitter (Twitter reviews) and Facebook (Facebook reviews) with your winery lifestream.

The job description includes the following responsibilities, “Throughout the course of the job the successful applicant will learn about viticulture, winemaking, Sonoma County and Murphy-Goode wines. He or she will prepare and post dispatches on their experiences though social media tools such as Facebook, blogs, internet videos and Twitter as well as traditional media.”

Master the art of drunk twittering for $10K/month? Impressive!

5. Umbilical Cord Tanner

I read about this job in Astoria Oregon Rust:

For about two years I worked in a biological lab where we received daily shipments of human umbilical cords from hospitals all over the country. We would mount the cords onto glass rods and soak them for several days in gluteralderhyde to tan them like leather. Once tanned, we would use forceps to remove the veins. Then we would turn them into bio-grafts to be used as replacement arteries in humans.

I’d like to see the job ad for that one.

Happy Friday!

In a difficult market, it pays to have a variety of skills. But, as this week’s weird jobs prove, some skills simply do not mesh. For example, a drill sergeant would not make a good Director of First Impressions, or psycho social rehab worker…

1. San Diego: odd jobs in La Jolla

Senior is looking for a teenager, student or other to help with various household tasks like Loading and Unloading the car..Must live in La Jolla . Must be dog friendly.

* Compensation: $5 min per job or $15 per hour whichever is less

I’m not a miser, I swear. I’m just a senior who hasn’t adjusted for inflation.

2. San Diego: Director of First Impressions

Searching for a professional, motivated, personable, energetic and organized individual for “Director of First Impressions” at our health and wellness center. The individual should have at least 1 year experience working as a receptionist.

SKILLS:
Outgoing, pleasant personality
Must be detail oriented with dynamic personality
Excellent communication skills (written and verbal)
Team player who can work both independently and interdependently

This job posting instantly turned a run-of-the-mill receptionist into a director. Now that is good spin.

3. San Diego: Sign Spinners Needed

Seeking Enthusiastic, Friendly, Energetic Sign Spinners. Must be willing to have fun and smile while working!
Our Locations are open 7 Days a week Flexible hours can be available.

* Compensation: $ 8.00 Per Hour Paid Daily

Must be willing to smile while working…but none of your colleagues do, so what we’re really asking for are strong wrists and the ability to look like a tool.

4. Las Vegas: Drill Sgt.

Prior Service Soldiers needed to fill Reserve Drill Sgt positions in Las Vegas, NV.

We will select winning applicants on the basis of their ability to scare our pants off.

5. Las Vegas: Psycho Social Rehabilitation Worker Needed

Staff will primarily focus on rehabilitative mental health services that target the specific behaviors of our clientele, which may include: behavioral management and counseling; conflict and anger management; interpersonal skills development; interventions with schools and social service systems.

May not have been arrested, charged, or convicted of a crime within the last 5 years

Must be adept at stalking, crank calling, and slashing tires.

Happy Friday!