This week’s odd arrangement of occupations involves some wordy, but worthwhile job posts. I’ll let them explain themselves:
1. Monroe, WA: Bank Robber Decoys Sought
I didn’t see the actual ad for this post. Here’s the story, via BoingBoing:
A brazen crook apparently used a Craigslist ad to hire a dozen unsuspecting decoys to help him make his getaway following a robbery outside a bank on Tuesday.
The robber had planned ahead. In case anyone was hot on his trail, he had at least a dozen unsuspecting decoys waiting nearby, which he recruited on Craigslist.
“I came across the ad that was for a prevailing wage job for $28.50 an hour,” said Mike, who saw a Craigslist ad last week looking for workers for a road maintenance project.
He…was e-mailed…instructions to meet near the Bank of America in Monroe at 11 a.m. Tuesday. He also was told to wear certain work clothing.
“Yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask… and, if possible, a blue shirt,” he said.
Mike showed up along with about a dozen other men dressed like him, but there was no contractor and no road work to be done. He thought they had been stood up until he heard about the bank robbery and the suspect who wore the same attire.
Priceless.
2. Nebraska: Frustrated Business Owner Wanted
Business Owner frustrated by
the shifting Economy
Must have knowledge of Marketing
Sales and Closings…
2nd Position open for Account Executive
Contact: Dan
(If busy send response via reply email)
Please write
Your resume
In free verse;
Iambic pentameter,
Even better.
3. Beijing: American who loves to decorate
A Chinese real estate developer is looking for an American who can help with arranging accessories and designing window treatment for our model homes in various cities. Interior design or decorating background will be helpful but not required. Some short traveling within China.
We want our suburbia to look just like yours. Please show us how Pottery Barn is done right.
4. Edinburgh: Wanted: 2 X waitresses for fish & chip restaurant–live-in
This is a busy and popular fish and chip licensed restaurant and take-away located in the seas side town of East Lothian.
We are urgently seeking 2 WAITRESSES to start as soon as possible. We can employ singles or 2 female friends, as our accommodation is female shared.
Applicants should be of neat appearance, keen, motivated, fluent in English and should be team players who are willing to pitch in throughout the restaurant and take-away.
We offer a negotiable salary with live-in accommodation.
We apologize in advance that the fish smell permeating your person and belongings will utterly kill your sex life for the duration of your employment.
5. New Zealand: PowerHouse Executive Wanted
Top real estate and mortgage firm with some international activity headquartered in South Florida is looking for a seriously experienced and impressive Executive Administrative Assistant for it’s energetic, fast-paced Founder.
REQUIREMENTS:
• Real Estate and/or mortgage experience/knowledge absolutely required (and “experience” does not mean you own your own home)
• College degree
• Minimum of three years of experience assisting a Senior Executive Assistant: this is mandatory, if Candidate does not have 3 years experience, resumes will not be considered
• Must be EXTREMELY motivated (Never quits)
• Master at daily task-list completion
• Must be able to work very independently
• This should be the candidate’s long-term career choice
• Strong in Word, Excel and Outlook
• Detail-oriented
• Must be able to work in a fast paced environment
• Must have ability to multi-task
• Strong written and verbal communication
• Must be a self starter who can work with minimal supervision
• Must be highly organized and have strong time management skills
• Must have the ability to maintain confidentiality
• Must have flexibility to meet deadlines with short notice
• Professional appearance and demeanor
• Proficiency in iPhone and/or Blackberry operations an absolute must.
*Hedge Fund/Mezz Financing/Senior Debt-Service a PLUS
Candidate must be able to get a nasty “To-Do” list completed daily, and not let items roll-over to the next day. Having the ability to multi-task and work in fast-paced environment is the only way this opportunity will work out for you. Some days a completely manic, and some days you may need to keep yourself busy- on those days, we expect Candidate can be proactive about creating tasks and prioritize them according to the company’s mission.
Join a winning team, help us achieve our goals, we can help you achieve yours.
We’re trying to break a record for highest number of Type-A personalities in a single office in New Zealand. Won’t you help us?
6. India: Elder Care - Home Care
I am searching for a female to take care of a healthy elderly gentleman for 5 months from November ‘08 to March ‘09. Job location is Tuticorin.
Salary offered is Rs. 6,000 per month. Candidate must be over 18 years of age and under 45, have some college education, must have good health, cleanliness and must speak either Tamil or Malayalam or English. Must stay at the job location. Food and living quarters, transportation to and from home town will be provided.
Attending the elderly gentleman is the primary responsibility which includes light cooking, shopping and house keeping. Gentleman is in his 60’s and in good health and so no need for any medical assistance. Prior experience is a plus.
Rent-a-wife! Someone needs to scale this operation and market it to lonely singles around the world.
7. Nationwide: Part-Time National Guard Infantryman
Major duties
Assists in the performance of reconnaissance operations
Employs, fires, and recovers anti-personnel and anti-tank mines
Operates, mounts/dismounts and zeros weapon systems under various conditions including engaging targets using night vision sights
Operates and maintains communications equipment, and operates in a radio net
Performs as a member of a fire team during training and combat missions
Processes prisoners of war and captured documents
Benefits
Up to a $20,000 Bonus
A monthly paycheck
Montgomery G.I. Bill
Up to 100% tuition assistance for college
Retirement benefits for part-time service
Low-cost life insurance (up to $400,000 in coverage)
401(k)-type savings plan
Duties will be activated after you have scrubbed at least 1,500 latrines. Bonus given to infantrymen who pass 30 short-arm inspections without wincing. Benefits contingent upon survival.
8. Finland: General Manager – Dairy Farm
The role is responsible for providing both strategic and operational leadership for the farming, dairy and processing facility. The role will support the execution of strategic and tactical business plans by working directly with the management team, employees, external business relationships, corporate office and any other entities required to ensure that the business objectives are met.
ESSENTIAL JOB RESULTS:
o Technical experience managing farm of 20-30 thousand heads of cows (yield per cow above 30 Liter/day);
o Minimum experience of 15 years in respective fields of dairy farming;
o Broad understanding of the global trends in dairy industry;
o Operational efficiency track records; in terms of milk yield per cows and costs per liters of milk
o Farming and Dairy Operations, Maintenance, Accounting and
o Purchasing, HR and others to ensure objectives and goals are met and departments are managed effectively
o Coach and counsel subordinate managers to encourage autonomy and accountability within departments.
o Demonstrate an adequate understanding of organic dairy cattle, organic farming practices, equipment, processing, quality, and/or other requisite technical knowledge to engage in overall direction, and leadership of managers across the facility that leads to effective financial performance.
o Demonstrate clear integrity and a sense of ethics and responsibility to the farm and its employees on a daily basis, serving as a model for others.
o Manage relationships with neighbors, community leaders and regulatory agencies
o Respond effectively and to work cross-functionally with in the organization particularly with other farms and corporate leadership.
o Effectively partnership with Human Resources and others in a culturally diverse workforce
o Effectively implement, improve and reinforce the company’s environmental health and safety programs and product food safety programs.
Note that applicants are not required to know how to milk a cow.
Happy Friday!
