Business Pundit » Human Nature

This Week’s Weird Jobs

Drea — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:26:24 +0000

Has anyone ever asked you to be their best man or maid of honor? Did you enjoy it? If so, there may be a job in your future…

1. CA: Positions Available @ Private Women’s Gym

Women’s Athletic Club is looking for part-time front desk help and instructors. Must be flexible, professional and dependable. Good ideas are always welcomed.

If you’re male and tend to gawk, please be very good at hiding it.

2. CA: Bike, Segway, & Walking Tour Guides / Guerilla Marketers

Our guests are always jealous that we get to do this everyday and get paid for it. This job is perfect for anyone who wants to get experience and break into the hospitality industry in San Diego in a big way.

Principle Duties: Disseminate information and perform extemporaneous narration. Answers guest questions concerning San Diego and Segways. Monitor the safety of all guests the entire time.

Responsibilities include: Cleaning and maintaining Segways to the best of your ability, to take care of our guests, maintaining the Segway shop area: changing tires, adjusting Segways.

Must have the ability to exert up to 20 pounds of force to move objects, and occasionally more force to move Segways. Must be able to work outdoors while exposed to sunny, wet and/or humid weather conditions. Will work with guests of all ages, individuals with special needs, and people with different ethnic or cultural backgrounds or languages. Must have the ability to use mechanical devices including but not limited to the Segways.

Requirements: Friendly, on time everytime, out-going, calm under pressure, humble, basic Segway knowledge.

Whatever you do, just be sure you’re good at riding a Segway.

3. CA: Baggage Handler

We are searching for a temporary Baggage Handler who is able to lift up to 70lbs. The job entails picking up and moving luggage from one place to another.

The job will run for approximately one month. Flight is every Tuesday from 9:00a.m.-12:00pm.

The job location is at LAX, for an outbound flight to Cuba.

Extra income possible if you use this position to smuggle drugs.

4. CA: KNOW SOMEONE WHO’S PREGNANT?

MAJOR NETWORK NOW CASTING A NEW DOCUMENTARY SERIES ABOUT FIRST-TIME PREGNANCIES.

WE ARE SEARCHING FOR WOMEN WHO AREN’T SURE IF THE DAD TO BE IS PREPARED FOR FATHERHOOD AND NOT STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE.

Are you and your boyfriend/Husband having relationship issues? Did you get married because of this pregnancy? Do you want to find out if he is cut out to be a good Dad? Has this pregnancy added stress to your relationship?

We are looking for pregnant women, 18+, who want to prepare the father to be for what’s to come!

Although we may contribute to your divorce, you must sign a waiver absolving us of any financial responsibility for it.

5. MA: Wanted URGENTLY: Best Man for wedding

I’m backing out on my cousin last minute, and I before I do it, I need someone lined up to take my place, because I’m not sure that he’ll be able to find someone at such short notice.

Pay is $200+ (negotiable), plus a night in the hotel in question (I’ll sacrifice my room there for the right candidate).

You MUST have comprehensive experience in this position, have a TUX (because the one I have might not fit you), and have transport to and from the locations.

Email me with a few pictures (preferably in a tux at a wedding, in the Best Man role) and brief history of experience in this position, and a telephone number where I can contact you.

This will be a one time contract job. You will be required to be available during the entire day, from 9am until 12am (perhaps even until 2am). You will be required to make a speech and fulfill other customary duties normally executed by the best man at weddings. If you happen to find a beautiful woman to dance the night away with, that’s fine, so long as the aforementioned duties are fulfilled in their entirety and in a satisfactory manner.

Due to the sensitivity of this position, and the short time available, please only apply if you are sincere, clinically sane & stable and experienced.

“Clinically sane” may be an overstatement, but we’ll hire you anyway.

Happy Friday!

If Health Insurance Companies Were Jesus

Drea — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:34:32 +0000

An Honest Job Ad

Drea — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:31:36 +0000

Please Wipe With Your Blackberry

Drea — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:27:52 +0000

Image: Toothpaste for Dinner

What Differentiates Geeks and Nerds

Drea — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:06:29 +0000

Quick n’ Dirty Liability Disclaimer

Drea — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:04:55 +0000

This Week’s Weird Jobs

Drea — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:39:32 +0000

Image: Kingdom of Style

This week’s jobs include a position for a hippy, a meat cutter, and an amateur astronaut. If none of those suit your fancy, you can be the person who provides a ladder for someone stuck in a well. No kidding:

1. Denver: Hippies with the Flow!!

Our hip art company is looking for career oriented men and women who enjoy music, money and casual dress. No experience necessary. Paid training. Travel possible.

Will train to management level.
Car required

* Compensation: $450/wk up to $45k/yr

This all sounds fine and good, but what exactly are you, the hippy, doing for $450/week?

2. Las Vegas: COURTESY PATROL OFFICER

Seeking Courtesy Patrol Officers, responsible for maintaining the safety and integrity of the property.

Duties required by this position are as follows:

•Patrol the perimeter and exterior of the property
•Observe and Report incidents and safety issues on property
•Must be able to Walk, Stand and Climb stairs for long periods of time
•Write trespass warnings

Skills/ Requirements
•Self-Motivated
•Emphasis on community policing
•Work with limited supervision
•Understand Laws pertaining to Courtesy Patrol limits and liabilities

Applicants must be ARMED!

Must be disciplined enough not to point guns at pot-smoking teenagers, hot tub poachers, and the other benign riffraff you will battle on a nightly basis.

3. Denver: Meat Cutter

Looking for experienced meat cutter for part time work (15-20 hours per week). We cut meat to order, and grind our own burger and sausage.

Must know beef and lamb extremely well. Knowledge of pork and chicken also helpful.

If you know dog, cat, or coon, please don’t mention it during your interview.

4. Alberta: Astronaut Needed

Astronaut needed for experimental flight to Titan. I have been working on this project now for near 40 years and am afraid I’m no longer fit enough to go.

My secret space craft is the result of my professional experience and imagination while serving the U.S. military in advanced aeronautics as a scientist.

The craft harnesses a revolutionary propulsion system and its fuselage is fabricated with the most advanced material. While considerably safe,

I am certain you will make it safely to Titan but there will not be enough fuel to get home. This is for someone unique that has always wanted to see the universe first-hand and has perhaps a terminal view on life here at home. Here’s your shot at romantic history.

Must be:

-physically fit.
-mentally sound.
-over the age of 18.
-a dreamer.
-a believer.
-not afraid of heights.
-not afraid of extreme conditions such as speed, pressure, heat, etc.
-brave.
-no taller than 5′10 and relatively slim.
-good eye-sight & hearing.
-manual dexterity (although the craft is largely cpu controlled).
-OK in cramped conditions for long periods of time.

* Compensation: $25,000 CASH.

That’s $25,000 for your life. Blow it fast, before you die on Titan.

5. Philadelphia: IN A WELL, NEED LADDER

I’m offering a reward for the first person who shows up with at least a 25 foot ladder to the well off of rt. 322 and Sugarsbridge Rd. My friends won’t come because they think i’m joking. I’m definitely NOT… I have water but have not eaten in two days.

Reward is negotiable depending on how quickly you get here. And FYI to the kid that threw rocks down the well at me yesterday evening, I’m going to find you and do terrible thing to you.

Hoax? Perhaps, but funny.

Happy Friday!

The Illusion of Free Choice

Drea — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:02:36 +0000

How Not to Pose With a Tree

Drea — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:00:08 +0000

A Different Kind of Sewer Lid

Drea — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:57:48 +0000