Has anyone ever asked you to be their best man or maid of honor? Did you enjoy it? If so, there may be a job in your future…

1. CA: Positions Available @ Private Women’s Gym

Women’s Athletic Club is looking for part-time front desk help and instructors. Must be flexible, professional and dependable. Good ideas are always welcomed.

If you’re male and tend to gawk, please be very good at hiding it.

2. CA: Bike, Segway, & Walking Tour Guides / Guerilla Marketers

Our guests are always jealous that we get to do this everyday and get paid for it. This job is perfect for anyone who wants to get experience and break into the hospitality industry in San Diego in a big way.

Requirements: Friendly, on time everytime, out-going, calm under pressure, humble, basic Segway knowledge.

Whatever you do, just be sure you’re good at riding a Segway.

3. CA: Baggage Handler

We are searching for a temporary Baggage Handler who is able to lift up to 70lbs. The job entails picking up and moving luggage from one place to another.

The job location is at LAX, for an outbound flight to Cuba.

Extra income possible if you use this position to smuggle drugs.

4. CA: KNOW SOMEONE WHO’S PREGNANT?

MAJOR NETWORK NOW CASTING A NEW DOCUMENTARY SERIES ABOUT FIRST-TIME PREGNANCIES.

We are looking for pregnant women, 18+, who want to prepare the father to be for what’s to come!

Although we may contribute to your divorce, you must sign a waiver absolving us of any financial responsibility for it.

5. MA: Wanted URGENTLY: Best Man for wedding

I’m backing out on my cousin last minute, and I before I do it, I need someone lined up to take my place, because I’m not sure that he’ll be able to find someone at such short notice.

Due to the sensitivity of this position, and the short time available, please only apply if you are sincere, clinically sane & stable and experienced.

“Clinically sane” may be an overstatement, but we’ll hire you anyway.

Happy Friday!

8. The Fatty and the Photocopier

In true dimwit fashion, this chump thought the age-old office prank of photocopying your ass would be funny, even though we’ve all seen it a million times. What he forgot to take into consideration was the even older saying: ‘Don’t sit on a thin glass platform with your nuts exposed if you are a sweaty, overwieght fatty.’ Woops. The board meeting the next day must have been uncomfortable – for more reasons than one.

7. Don’t Tell the Certified Insane His Wife’s Cheating On Him

Make sure if your going to pull a prank that makes one, rather stacked looking man believe that his wife (who, it turns out, has got form) is cheating on him (again)… you get well out of his way. And preferably, he is locked in a padded room. Who knows what this guy did after he stormed off, but don’t be surprised if the cops found his wife in the canal the next morning…

6. Fall From Grace (Office Style)

Classic office stupidity here – this burke tries to scare his coworker, thinking it’ll be ever so funny to descend, spiderman-like, from the ceiling. But instead he ends up falling head first in a heap and looking like a fool. Lesson here: work is for work not for jokes.

5. Hallowe’en ‘Trick or… Idiot’?

These two look like funny, funny men. They decide to play a Hallowe’en office prank involving a box, some unsuspecting colleagues and a dodgy mask. Predictably, it’s them who end up with egg on their face. If you’re going to jump out of a box, get the timing right. Oh, and don’t fall over – really lessens the impact.

4. Hi Guys, Would You Like Some ‘Watered Down’ Coffee

Slipping a little something extra in your workmates’ coffee is something we don’t recommend at your place of employment. Although it might be a good way to exact revenge when you’ve been passed over for promotion, it’s also a good way to ensure you never recieve promotion ever again if you are caught… like this guy.

3. Cress is Not Funny

Unfortunately no video exists of this crazy prank, but it sure backfired on its perpetrator: one afternoon at a large bank an employee sitting at his desk consuming an egg and cress sandwich has what he thinks is a prankster’s stroke of genius – gleefully he adds some water and cress seeds to the keyboards on a Friday night prior to a bank holiday Monday and heads off, extremely pleased with himself. The next Tuesday, managers came in to find overgrown cress growing from all the keyboards. Not only did they throw a hissy fit, but they contacted IT support who created a storm and sent a global memo to all staff about eating and drinking at their desks – resulting in the banning of all eating and drinking at employee’s desks. Was it really worth it? We think not.

Image by tilwe

2. ‘Now I don’t feel so bad about f****** his brother’

Telling your colleague’s wife that he’s been fired for doing a secretary over the desk seems an unbelievably cruel joke to play, but on reflection is one of those things you can easily see seeming funny before actually being put in action. It does, however, go spectacularly wrong as the would-be pranksters open up a tin of worms – ‘Now I don’t feel so bad about f****** his brother’ is among the painful revelations that come out. That final ‘happy birthday’ must be one of the most hollow ever…

1. Office Prank Victim Gets Revenge – Big Style

We all know the type – the guy who is the butt of all the office jokes and is forever having all his stuff covered in tinfoil, clingfilm put over the toilet seat for him, and turds left in his filing cabinet (What? You don’t do that at your office?). But next time you are going to prank this suffering loser, think twice – he may just go mental and punch your lights out like this nutter. And what did this guy do to deserve two black eyes, you say? He sent a resignation letter to the boss on the other guy’s behalf…

Sources: 1, 2, 3

Sometimes, however, companies design truly creative outdoor ads. They’re original enough to penetrate consumer ad fatigue, and innovative enough to convince you their product might actually be worth checking out. We’ve compiled 35 brilliant ads that make you do a double-take:

1. Bite: Ogilvy & Mather

Image: Comunicamos

This Indonesian billboard makes it clear that Formula Toothcare gives you really strong teeth.

2. Engagement Ring: Robbins Diamonds

Robbins Diamonds reminds drivers that no engagement ring means angry girlfriend. The sign is on the way to the Philadelphia airport.

3. Barbell: Fitness Company

This German metro advertisement adds levity to weight-lifting.

4. Nail Biter Bag: Jung von Matt Berlin

Image: How Advertising Spoiled Me

The woman on this bag is supposed to be biting nails, not eating a hand. Either way, she catches attention for the nail-biting balm Stop n’ Grow.

5. Beau Rivage Resort & Casino

Source: Frederik Samuel

A Mississippi resort and casino brings much-needed tranquility to the baggage claim.

6. Smoking Bus: Nicotinell

Image: Billboardom

As long as this bus is moving, this man is smoking. And suffering. The solution? Nicotinell gum.

7. Cracking the Sidewalk

Image: Highly Optical Illusions

Placed around Singapore, these martial arts school ads make good use of sidewalk cracks.

8. Lettuce Billboard: McDonald’s

Image: GroovyGreen

Yep, that’s really lettuce growing on a McDonald’s billboard. Fresh.

9. Mini With Boobs: FHM

Image: AdFreak

British men’s rag FHM Magazine painted boobs on this Mini. Eye-catching and genre-appropriate.

10. Shaving the Lawn: BIC

Image: Brian Sibley

A giant BIC razor shaves grass in England. The razor mows well, but unfortunately, the brand name is hard to see.

11. Clean Sidewalk Stripe: Mr. Clean

Image: Branding & Marketing

Mr. Clean keeps one stripe on this Italian crosswalk clean. And he’s proud of it.

12. Miele Vacuum Cleaner: Miami Ad School

Image: AdArena

Two art students from the Miami Ad School created this vac-tastic Miele billboard.

13. Lego Crane: IDB-FCB

In Chile, building companies don’t work on weekends. So one ad agency hung a giant Lego from a crane in a visible Santiago location. The result: A sweet ad. (Source)

14. Weighed Down: Silberman’s Fitness Center

Obviously overweight? Silberman’s offers a solution.

15. Goalkeeper: Adidas

Image: Say No to Crack

Drivers literally can’t miss this massive Adidas ad, which the company posted at the Munich airport during the 2006 World Cup.

16. Big Idea: The Economist

Image: Funny Billboards

The Economist posted an award-winning London ad whose motion sensor light illuminates when someone passes by.

17. Dropped Call: Cingular

Image: AdFreak

Located outside the Marriott Marquis in Times Square, this Cingular ad makes the dropped call issue very visible. (Source)

18. Popped Gum

Image: Billboardom

This kid in Mumbai had a nasty pop.

19. Strong Tape

The tape “holding up” this billboard is really strong. Simple, yet effective.

20. Kill Bill

Image: Toxel

Ad designers did a bloody good job with this Kill Bill-board.

21. We’ll Match It: Benjamin Moore Paints

Image: Billboardom

Benjamin Moore paints gets the hue right.

22. Leaky Mascara: Max Factor

Image: Say No to Crack

The eyes in this Max Factor ad cry mascara when it rains. Catchy–and, to women, scary.

23. Checkmate: Santa Monica BMW

The real message here: Do not mess with Santa Monica BMW.

24. McDonald’s Time

Source: Chicago Business

It’s always McDonald’s time, according to this sundial-like billboard in Chicago.

25. Paint Spill: Coop Paint

Image: Hojimoto/Flickr

Columbus, Ohio’s Atlas Building just didn’t look the same after a Coop’s Paint spill.

26. Not American: Smart Car

This Smart Car ad pokes fun at American auto engineering.

27. Hidden Danger: Mexico Unido

Image: Coloribus

Mexico Unido reminds innocent passerby that danger lurks around every corner.

28. Coca Cola Ladder

This Coca Cola ad embodies desperate thirst using only a bottle, a ladder, and a giant straw. Kind of makes you want one, doesn’t it?

29. Run: Nike

Image: Billboardom

For a transparent billboard, this Nike ad is mighty eye-catching.

30. Mars Chilled

Image source

Mars Chilled will transform your tongue into a frog-like appendage. Or it will capture and freeze your tongue. It’s that good.

31. Giant Cork: Heye & Partner

Image: Bored.com

This advertising pillar turned into a giant cork for a German wine trade fair. It works–as long as nobody pins flyers on it.

32. Accessories: Saatchi & Saatchi

Image: Bored.com

This guerilla marketing campaign took place in Geneva, for an accessory store. Saatchi & Saatchi replaced chains with giant jewelry in several locations. (Source: Adverbox)

33. Irresistible Scent: Gain

Image: Say No to Crack

You can just see the fresh smell on this 3-D billboard.

34. Rubber Duckies: Adidas

Image: Thomas Rockstar

Adidas filled a Copenhagen fountain with blue rubber duckies for Copenhagen Fashion Week. The bottoms of the ducks said “Reward for my return at Adidas original store.” People would keep the cute ducks…and wander into the local Adidas store. (Source: Thomas Rockstar)

35. Butt Billboard

Image: Creative Juice

This billboard is eye-catching…in a bad way.

Note: the following is pure speculation and may be an example of mass hysteria mongering.

8. HRP-4C the Robot Supermodel

This saucy sexpot fembot (just check out that ass!) has an unlimited capacity to eat tiny designer salads, pull perfect pouts and snort endless lines of cocaine. Due to its total lack of human feelings it is perfect for the utterly superficial job of supermodel and won’t spiral into an emotional breakdown everytime something nasty is written about it in the papers. Let’s be honest, we won’t miss the tiny-minded bunch of turkeys we’ve got as models at the moment. And anyway, robots are sexaaay… Unfortunately this robot is more deadly siren than heavenly angel as, true to form, concealed in her bosoms are large calibre machineguns (have I watched too Austin Powers too many times?). To be honest, I still find this damn sexy… And just so you know, when the fembots take over, all you out of work supermodels can come stay with me.

7. Mobiro the Robotic Violinist

Concert violinists and music teachers the world over, be afraid. Be very afraid. Toyota’s ‘Mobiro’ is a 5 ft. tall robot with an uncanny ability to play the violin. And here’s the bad news: ‘Mobiro’ is only the latest in Toyota’s ensemble of musical robots that already includes a trumpeter, trombonist and several others. It uses its 17 computer controlled joints and agile fingers to hold the instrument and delicately sound out sweet airs – but don’t be fooled by its humanoid charms. Once ‘Mobiro’ and its friends have replaced all the musicians in the world (and hold a monopoly on your ears) they will begin to transmit inaudible telekinetic pulses designed to reprogram and enslave us. Before long we’ll all be dancing to the beat of their drum – as long as we’re not immediately earmarked for euthanasia, that is.

6. Motoman SDA-10 the Robot Chef

Are you one of those chefs who always burns the toast and struggles to remember how long you boil an egg for? If so we have an announcement for you: YOU ARE BEING REPLACED BY A ROBOT. ‘Motoman’ can produce over three dozen savoury Japanese pancakes in four seconds (or something like that…), is never late for work and never makes mistakes – bad news for all those chefs who consider the microwave essential to haute cuisine. But even worse news is that once ‘Motoman’ is installed in every restaurant and diner in the land, he will start to adopt the attitude of the ’soup Nazi’. The weak will be selected and brutally made into perfect pieces of sushi, before being force-fed to the rest of us whilst we are held in an electrified pen, guarded by cruel robot sentries.

5. RI-MAN Elderly Care Robot

RI-MAN is the world’s first robot designed to lift and carry humans, and before long will put all those working with the elderly out of a job. Not only can RI-MAN lift up the elderly when they get bored of scrabble and place them down in front of the TV, but it can also serve them up their mushy food, as well as use its ability to see, hear and smell to sense when they’re about to go into cardiac arrest. Unfortunately, once we’re all lying helpless in our own mess, relying on teams of robot helpers to move us around, it won’t be that comfy chair in front of the TV they’ll be dropping us in – but a giant extermination pit, brimful of acid.

4. Home Assistant Robot

Tokyo University’s Home Assistant robot can carry out simple domestic chores such as wiping floors, washing, cleaning dishes and even moving furniture. It is equipped with 5 cameras and laser sensors, and 6 hands with three joints each. Cleaners and mothers everywhere will be out of a job when HAR gets its act together, and then instead of placing dirty laundry in the washing machine HAR will be placing you and your children in there.

3. AIBO the Robot Dog

Sony’s AIBO robot dog is able to walk, ’see’ its environment via camera, and recognize spoken commands. Added to this it’s damn cute – in a manly sort of metallic/gadget way – and will soon have the standard family dog out of its job. AIBO was marketed as a novelty alternative to a real dog that places its owner firmly at the cutting edge of artificial intelligence technology, and perfect for the kids to play with as it won’t bite or make any mess (what’s not to love?). What they don’t tell you is that it is programmed to transform from cute ‘family dog’ into vicious ‘attack dog’. Once the robots’ take over of the world is complete AIBOs will patrol the streets in brutal gangs, mauling anyone out after curfew hour.

2. MechaDroid C3 the Receptionist

The MechaDroid Type C3 robot receptionist uses face recognition technology to recognize the faces of visitors to a company’s reception desk. The MechaDroid never makes mistakes, knows perfect directions for everyone and eliminates all those awkward conversations with receptionists, but it does have one drawback – along with those little conversations goes the chance to flirt. Eventually all receptionists will be history and a MechaDroid will control entry and exit of every firm, store and home in the country. These unflinching droids will at first deny us access to all public buildings, and soon after be used to trap us in our own homes indefinitely, forcing us to face slow death through starvation.

1. Asimo the Waiter

If you are a hotel butler or a waiter you’d better watch your back – there’s a robot out there that’s after your job. ASIMO can greet and escort guests, and after getting its assigned humans sorted out, can deliver trays of drinks. This humanoid biped is ‘comfortable’ around humans (meaning it can choose its movements independently) allowing it to dodge spewing drunks or unwanted groping hands at parties. Yes, it’s true, having a robot sounds like no substitute for a cute young waiter or waitress, but let me remind you of the HRp-4C robot supermodel – a mechanised waitress who is also hot? Beauty. In the future Asimo will deliver tiny parcels of radioactive matter before forcing us to eat them, rendering our brains useless lumps of jelly.

Sources: 1, 2, 3

Images: gameimp, palgus, steve keys, Tracy O, kosmokomik, wikipedia, takomabibelot

This week’s jobs include a position for a hippy, a meat cutter, and an amateur astronaut. If none of those suit your fancy, you can be the person who provides a ladder for someone stuck in a well. No kidding:

1. Denver: Hippies with the Flow!!

Our hip art company is looking for career oriented men and women who enjoy music, money and casual dress. No experience necessary. Paid training. Travel possible.

* Compensation: $450/wk up to $45k/yr

This all sounds fine and good, but what exactly are you, the hippy, doing for $450/week?

2. Las Vegas: COURTESY PATROL OFFICER

Seeking Courtesy Patrol Officers, responsible for maintaining the safety and integrity of the property.

Applicants must be ARMED!

Must be disciplined enough not to point guns at pot-smoking teenagers, hot tub poachers, and the other benign riffraff you will battle on a nightly basis.

3. Denver: Meat Cutter

Looking for experienced meat cutter for part time work (15-20 hours per week). We cut meat to order, and grind our own burger and sausage.

Must know beef and lamb extremely well. Knowledge of pork and chicken also helpful.

If you know dog, cat, or coon, please don’t mention it during your interview.

4. Alberta: Astronaut Needed

Astronaut needed for experimental flight to Titan. I have been working on this project now for near 40 years and am afraid I’m no longer fit enough to go.

* Compensation: $25,000 CASH.

That’s $25,000 for your life. Blow it fast, before you die on Titan.

5. Philadelphia: IN A WELL, NEED LADDER

I’m offering a reward for the first person who shows up with at least a 25 foot ladder to the well off of rt. 322 and Sugarsbridge Rd. My friends won’t come because they think i’m joking. I’m definitely NOT… I have water but have not eaten in two days.

Reward is negotiable depending on how quickly you get here. And FYI to the kid that threw rocks down the well at me yesterday evening, I’m going to find you and do terrible thing to you.

Hoax? Perhaps, but funny.

Happy Friday!