There is nothing more American than spending the money that could support a Congolese family for a year on a bunch of crap that we don’t need.  Like those candy hearts for Valentines Day, you know the ones that taste like a mix of bone meal and shattered dreams?  Nothing says America like spending money on something no one wants, needs or (dear God) consumes all in the name of a holiday almost completely manufactured by corporations.  But it makes us feel good, and especially in these trying economic times, its nice to remind ourselves that the electric bill can go to hell, we’re going to buy some pine-tree branches and expensive electronics!  This is America, dammit!  And when we spend on Holidays, holy hell do we spend big. 
 

Halloween

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Coming in at number five in the list of most spendiferous holidays, Halloween clocks in spending close to $5 billion.  That’s roughly $50-$60 dollars spent for every person that actually celebrates the holiday (people of other cultures and that particularly fun-killing brand of Christians excluded.  While that number is rather large, keep in mind that it does not include the copious amounts of booze, which would likely catapult this holiday to the top of the list.   

So that’s $5 billion on sexy nurse costumes, sexy pirate costumes, and sexy proctologist costumes. Not to mention the candy.  To put it into perspective, that $5 billion number is actually higher than all corporate donations to foreign aid organizations for the entire year.  Halloween should get a pass for being a towering monstrosity of consumerism, owing to its unique status as one of the few holidays everyone enjoys. 

Easter

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Easter was yet another childhood excuse to eat so much candy it made us sick.  The Easter egg hunt is a particularly venerable piece of America, meriting its own section on the White House website.  So when you’re talking about what basically amounts to Halloween minus the costumes, it shouldn’t be any larger than $5 billion, right?  Well, no, try more like $14 billion.  While the majority of this is spent on food and those really disappointing egg-dyeing kits, a huge portion of this spending is on clothing.  And not just clothes for Easter…Mass?  Apparently, a chunk of that big ole $14 billion number comes from the fact that, come Easter, people women take the opportunity to refresh their wardrobes for the spring.  While it’s unclear if this is directly related to Easter or just a general trend, being Americans, I’m going with the “An excuse to shop and spend money!? HOLY CHRIST!” 

Mother’s and Father’s Day

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To prevent a Mothers vs. Fathers debate, let’s just group together the two holidays that have the highest ratio of how often you remember them to how much regret you feel.  Despite their somewhat sullied reputations as holidays invented to sell more Hallmark cards that contain some version of “I’m sorry you’re so disappointed in me”, celebration of mothers and fathers is actually an old tradition dating back to Greek and Roman times.

The modern incarnation started sometime around the turn of the century, with Mother’s day being declared a holiday by congress in 1914, and fathers day in 1966.  Combined, Americans spend somewhere in the neighborhood of $27 billion, with people loving their mothers about $5 billion more than they do their fathers.  This comes out to roughly $240 a person every year, a number that has jumped in recent years due to the slight economic recovery and the speculative rise in the costs of finger paints, construction paper and pipe cleaners. 

Valentine’s Day

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Short of Christmas, Valentine’s day is the biggest spending holiday of year for Americans.  For 2011, the number was expected to come out slightly ahead of Mother’s day, topping $15 billion.  And that’s not even counting the money spent on expensive dates, or the bottles of bourbon you use to drown your crushing, crushing loneliness.  And while a box of chocolates and some flowers might set you back $50, the average per-person expenditure actually comes out to the mid-hundreds.  Where’s that extra money coming from? Ask those of us who can barely afford a disgustingly cute Build-A-Bear (look it’s wearing a sailor’s uniform! It’s not supposed to be doing that, it’s a bear!).
 
Well the numbers for Valentine’s Day are skewed majorly upward by people buying jewelry so expensive if any sensible person received it they’d murder their significant other (guys can get jewelry too, right? How else am I going to finish my pejazzle set?) 

Black Friday

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Contrary to popular belief, Black Friday wasn’t the largest shopping day in America until 2005.  But thanks to relentless media boredom and ruthless retailer price-cutting, it has become the largest, even spawning a bunch of really annoying titles for concurrent days, including “Sofa Sunday” and “Cyber Monday” (despite the fact that no one under 35 has used the word “cyber” since 1994).  This year, Black Friday broke all records, with 226 million shoppers crowding the halls and trampling one another in pursuit of Tickle Me Elmo…or…whatever kids are interested in these days. 

That 226 million is more than three-quarters of every man, woman and child in America.  Meaning that basically anyone who is physically capable of walking and knocking over fellow moms like a linebacker went shopping a few weeks ago.  They spent almost $400 each and collectively spent upward of $50 billion.  That means one day easily dwarfs the expenditures of virtually every other major holiday throughout the year.  And that’s just for Black Friday alone.  The total Christmas season sees that number roughly double.  So next time you hear depressing economic news, remind yourself that—in a sort of modern-day Gift of the Magi — Americans are still finding ways to acquire even more credit card debt in order to buy expensive crap they don’t really need for their loved ones.

Want to feel like a real frontiersman? Are you tired of being oppressed by “The Man”? Do you not even know who “The Man” is referring to? Then you gotta live off the grid! It’s like being a pioneer, only with the Internet and packets of instant Starbucks. It’s a lot of work, but here are 10 reasons it’s awesome.

No Junk Mail

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Companies can’t mail you crap if you don’t have a registered address. So what if the mailman can’t find you? UPS and FedEx goes anywhere you pay ‘em to. No more circulars, phony timeshare offers or “Urgent News! Must Open!” Salesmen coming to your door? Not a chance! And you’ll never have to look your neighbor’s kid in the eye again and refuse to buy band candy or girl scout cookies.

You’ll Always Be in Fashion

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Making your own clothes out in the middle of nowhere means never having to apologize for how you dress. Hell, why even wear pants? It’s not like you’ll be living near anyone. If you are, it’ll probably be in a small community where the rules of fashion are either uncared for or invented anew.

If the Apocalypse Comes, You Won’t Notice

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Let the Rapture scoop up all the Christians. Let nuclear war or the zombies rape the cities of New York and Los Angeles. While civilization goes down like a bitch, you’ll be comfortable and warm out in the middle of nowhere. And once the dust settles and word reaches you of the primitive, radioactive Hellscape, you can return to rule the mutants, being the last person alive to know how to properly stoke a kiln. Class wars, riots, and any kind of societal uprising/turmoil will no longer concern or effect you. Living off the grid can give you a feeling of safety that all the laws in the world cannot.

No Utility Bills

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Before the first plumbers and his butt crack, God just left water everywhere in these things called “streams” and “creeks” and “rivers”. With a little practice, a fire and a pot, you can make clean drinking water for free. You’ll probably even be able to build a system of pipes that can deliver water straight into your home. Need some electricity to fire up your laptop? Once you master how to hook up a generator to a standing bicycle, you’ll get exercise and all the porn you need to survive. And solar panels get better and better every year; what’s better than getting free energy from the sun? Just be wary that evil corporations may try to infringe on your land and force you to pay for energy from their company. One man, William Williams, faces multiple penalties and fines for cutting down utility lines — that the company planted on his private land!!

The Cops Can’t Find You

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Living off the grid is especially handy if you also happen to be living a criminal lifestyle. In today’s police state, it’s becoming increasingly harder to obey the law because it infringes on personal lifestyle choices that are irrelevant to the rest of the world. If you’re tired of constantly looking over your back just because you smoke pot, refuse to go to jury duty, don’t want to pay outrageous parking tickets or simply enjoy being naked in your own home, living off the grid may be the right choice for you. Let’s face it, when civilization collapses, it’s probably wise to be somewhere where the last guys with guns can’t find you.

The Law Becomes Very Murky

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When the cops can’t find you, you can pretty much make up your own rules. It’s kind of like floating in international waters, but without the bad Cruise food and second rate entertainment.

No Insurance Payments

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If the mail and the cops can’t find you, neither can your insurance company. In fact, why have one? If you get severely injured, you’re just going to die anyways. No sense paying $500 a month so the EMT’s can’t find you. On the up side, if you can build a car or some kind of post apocalyptic facsimile, you can drive it however you want. Helmet, no helmet, seat belt, no seatbelt, brakes, no brakes, on fire, not on fire, it’s all up to you. Just keep in mind that showing up at the hospital without health insurance may be worse than not going at all — oftentimes, the doctors will literally just let you die.

Your Food is Free

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The woods is like an all-you-can-eat buffet. The food is fresh if you can catch it and you’ll never have to deal with a snooty waiter ever again. If you like salted, smoky meat, off the grid cuisine is right up your alley. At no point will your wife turn to you and say, “Honey, you’d better not eat that, your cholesterol.” She’ll more likely say, “Give me that meat! I haven’t eaten for three days!” Honing your farming skills before moving off the grid is a good idea; you will then be able to harvest your own (completely organic, chemical and modification free) food — which is an incredibly useful skill to have, especially if the rest of the world is plunged into another depression. Growing and catching your own food is also incredibly less wasteful than buying products with unnecessary amounts of paper, plastic, and metal packaging.

Your House is Free

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If you can build it, you can live in it. The United States is actually a big empty place and Montana has less than seven people per square mile. For a mere couple of thousand dollars of wood and your labor, you can build a house that is at least as good as anyone else’s. You won’t be close to a Starbucks or a Wendy’s, but hey, at least you won’t be near a Starbucks or a Wendy’s.

Lower Taxes

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Think about all the money you’ve ever paid for taxes. Now imagine that it’s all back in your pocket right now. That’s how much you could have if you live off the grid. What “the Man” can’t find, the Man can’t tax. And with an overhead as low as yours, a $30,000/year gig means you’ll probably have close to $30,000 at the end of that year. If only someone had told Wesley Snipes sooner. This, however, is fraud. The taxes on an off-grid house, though, are significantly less than on any other house.

A new Baylor University study has found that people subconsciously set aside money for impulse buys when preparing a shopping list. Such “in-store slack” allows consumers to pick up items they may have forgotten to write on the list (or are craving, but didn’t write). The Economic Times has more:

For their study, the researchers questioned shoppers at several grocery stores in Texas. They were asked about the items they planned to purchase, how much they expected to spend on these items and how much they expected their total bill to come to.

Wakefield said: “Highly impulsive individuals may want to consider planning as many purchases in advance as possible.” In other words, those who lack willpower should write very detailed shopping lists. Dieters should also make lists with care, he advised. The researchers also advised supermarkets to try to tempt customers into as many aisles as possible, in an effort to get them to blow their mental budget.

That, and they generally tempt consumers with artful displays of junk food. Marketers have been using in-store slack for decades. It’s interesting to see researchers finally name it.

Many millionaires are among society’s biggest movers and shakers, working long hours and exhausting their mental capacity day in and day out to further their business, invent new medicines or produce greater art. Other millionaires simply luck into their fortunes. Either by birthright or happenstance, these people have hardly worked for the money they possess and can only be regarded as incredibly fortunate. Today we explore 12 millionaires who don’t deserve the money they have.
 
 
 

Tila Tequila

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Tila Tequila is a shining example that sometimes all you need to do to get ahead in life is look good. Getting her start in such magazines as Playboy, Penthouse and Stuff, Tila quickly rose to fame for her willingness to show the world her phenomenally in shape body. Recently, Tila starred in her own reality show called, “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila.” The show featured her looking gorgeous and making out with male and female contestants who battled each other for the right to date her. Amazingly, Tila has risen to millions on the strength of her good looks and promiscuous personality alone. Thank mom and dad for that one!

Paris Hilton

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Aside from bearing the last name of her father, the legendary businessman behind the Hilton Hotel chain, Paris Hilton has done very little to deserve the amount of money she has. Paris has become a socialite by a number of different avenues including a TV show, movies, a fragrance line and news-making antics with friend Nicole Richie, who also appears on this list. Much like Tila Tequila, Paris gets by mostly on looks and personality, though her attitude is much more snobby and spoiled. Despite being a trust fund baby who openly detests regular work, millions of American girls look up to Paris as a role model, and that is one scary thought.
 

Soulja Boy

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As today’s musical scene falls further and further into disrepair, Soulja Boy proves that there might not be any coming back. Rapper/song writer Soulja Boy has made millions of dollars spouting flatulent nonsense and singing off key. Despite this, clubs nationwide frequently play his music since people can dance to the beat. With lyrics so simple a five year old could write them (such as “I take a look in the mirror say what’s up, yeah I get money ohhh”) Soulja Boy sings primarily about how he made a lot of money and has nice things. His music videos frequently feature him dancing around piles of money and throwing it at the camera. It’s simply a shame when a man like Soulja Boy can write mind-numbingly simple songs and make far more money than most surgeons.

Nicole Richie

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Nicole Richie is a socialite and high-society celebrity for no other reason than being the adopted daughter of famous soul singer Lionel Richie. Best known for TV show “The Simple Life” with childhood friend and fellow unworthy millionaire Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie has dabbled in various careers throughout her life, but continues to prosper from the Richie fortune. The show centered around Hilton and Richie’s ineptitude in living a normal, middle class life, which further illustrates why Richie is undeserving of the fortune she possesses. From writing to playing music to trying to make jewelry, Richie is a jack of many trades, but a master of none.
 

Peaches Geldolf

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Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof is the daughter of famous singer and political activist Bob Geldof. While her father fought for peace, receiving knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II for his fundraising efforts, it seems Peaches is content to live off the power of her last name and scoops up part time acting jobs here and there whenever she can. Recently, Peaches signed a six figure modeling contract to become the face of Miss Ultimo clothing.
 

Kevin Federline

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Better known as “K-Fed,” Kevin Federline is Britney Spears’ ex-husband and rapper. Though he never worked for it, Kevin became a millionaire the day he married Britney. In Touch Magazine reports that Britney gave Kevin the proceeds from the sale and syndication of their wedding, which totaled 2.3 million dollars. This massive sum of money was her wedding gift to him. Sources say that Britney gave him the money saying “I wouldn’t have it if it wasn’t for you.” A mere three years later they were divorced, and Kevin walked away millions in hand for merely marrying America’s pop princess.
 

Lisa Marie Presley

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Lisa Marie Presley is yet another shining example of a millionaire who owes it all to the name of her pioneering father. Daughter of rock and roll icon Elvis Presley, Lisa Marie has done very little to keep the legend alive, choosing instead to command respect on account of her family name. Though she has made some original music, she is far from entertainer her father once was, yet still enjoys a place in the spotlight and a fortune in her name.

Kelly Osbourne

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Daughter of trailblazing heavy-metal musician Ozzy Osbourne, Kelly Osbourne owes her fame and fortune to little more than being born into the family. Best known for her appearance on, “The Osbournes,” a reality TV show centered around her family’s daily life, Kelly Osbourne has not yet done anything of great importance to deserve the small fortune her family’s history affords her. She did record an album once featuring the single “Poppa Don’t Preach,” further trotting out her “angsty teenager rebelling against her well-known dad” image. Her music career never went very far as she was dropped from Epic Records one year after her debut album was met with derision from the critics. Despite her net worth, she never rose anywhere near the exhausted heights of her father’s musicianship.

Daniel Yomtobian

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Better known as alleged creator of 2003′s Xupiter spyware infection, Daniel Yomtobian is an Internet businessman with questionable claims to his wealth. Called “the most evil thing on the Internet” by Wired Magazine, Xupiter took the Internet hostage in 2003, breaking machines and infuriating users all for the gain of advertising revenue. The infection was so bad that one angry user exclaimed, “When I find the bastards who programmed this thing I’d be happy to castrate them with a pair of dull pinking shears.” According to Harvard trained spyware expert Ben Edelman, a couple of angry researchers had their scathing critique of Dan’s career bullied offline via a frivolous cease and desist order just as Dan was reemerging as a clean player in Internet business. Daniel Yomtobian, who reportedly made quite a pretty penny from this terrible software, has since gone on to run a legitimate search marketing business and now speaks at industry conferences. Those of us who had our machines taken over by Xupiter will never forget the man he once was. 

Brooke Hogan

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As we have seen many times throughout this article, it certainly doesn’t hurt your wallet to have a rich and famous father. Daughter of professional wrestler “Hulk Hogan,” Brooke Hogan is best known for her appearance on the reality show about her family “Hogan Knows Best.” She was commonly undermined by Hulk and wasn’t allowed to see many guys due to his over-bearing protectiveness. Since the show’s cancellation, Brooke starred in her own reality show about her life, singing career and roommates called, “Brooke Knows Best.” Networks will run reality shows about anyone even remotely famous these days, and having the Hogan account to bank-roll studio time doesn’t hurt either.  

William Hung

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Some people become musical legends and wealth millionaires from having a phenomenal singing voice. Not singer/songwriter William Hung, who was rejected from American Idol in 2004 for his awful performance. His singing is actually so atrocious that he gained a cult following of people who love to listen to his music and laugh at how ridiculous it sounds. This cult following is responsible for countless TV appearances, lots of records sold, and millions of dollars for Mr. Hung.

Ed Nabors

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Georgia truck driver Ed Nabors was just a regular, average guy until Wednesday, April 4th 2007 when he became the winner of the largest lottery prize in US history. Claiming $116.5 million dollars from his win, Nabors chose the lump sum option and instantly received a kings ransom for himself. Needless to say, a hundred-million dollar prize from a random string of numbers purchased at a gas station is one of the most unmerited fortunes imaginable.

Matt Taibbi’s latest Rolling Stone article, “The Great American Bubble Machine,” undresses Goldman Sachs–and finds a “giant vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity.” Not only do former Goldmanites essentially run the world, they help manufacture and burst economic bubbles, harvesting mean profits the entire time. Taibbi details how the bank manipulated investors, starting during the Great Depression.

Zero Hedge scanned the entire article onto Scribd; find it here.

Taibbi’s conclusion: “It’s a gangster state, running on gangster economics, and even prices can’t be trusted anymore; there are hidden taxes in every buck you pay. And maybe we can’t stop it, but at least we know where it’s all going.”

Read it!

Want to look classy, but lack the funds? The answer is easy: Rent your way to cool. The UK Telegraph reports that “rented lifestyles” are becoming increasingly popular:

Websites offering deals on everything from jewellery and children’s toys to fast cars and affordable artwork for a fraction of the price of buying have experienced a surge in visitor numbers.

Even brides are considering cutting costs by hiring. Sue Goodchild, owner of Essex-based House of Couture designer wedding dress company, said around 30 per cent of brides have switched from buying to renting.

Former Wall Street Journal editor and Assistant Secretary of the Treasury slams the mainstream media.

BusinessListening.com offers insightful tips on the art of relating.

Our very own Lela Davidson has a sweet accounting blog called Accounting Solver. Check it out before tackling your taxes!

The Dwell Blog reports on Switzerland’s new zero star hotel, located in a bunker. No thanks.

Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.

Read the entire powerful post here.

I visited with our local public school Deputy Superintendent yesterday. Among the many challenges he mentioned facing the K-12 education system was the challenge of teaching children of poverty. When one of our small group asked about the percentage of children who receive free and reduced lunches in our school district, the Deputy Superintendent was quick to point out to us the difference between children who are poor and children of poverty.

So what’s the difference between being poor and living in poverty?

Poor: People who have a low income are poor. This may be due to choice of career, hard times, or other circumstances. They may or may not be able to pull out of their situation. However, they are as likely as those earning higher incomes to strive for the future, to hope for more. They may value education for the future benefits it affords.

Poverty: Living in poverty includes a survivalist attitude. People living in poverty may be extremely mobile because they’ve had to be. They may be able to move everything they own in 24 hours if they can’t make rent. It can be difficult to impress upon children of poverty the value of sacrificing today to get educated for some uncertain tomorrow.

The school official went on to explain that because the poverty mentality favors the moment over the long term, things that provide entertainment value are important. It’s hard to imagine why someone struggling to put food on the table would (or could) have a 60″ plasma flat screen.

Has America as a whole bought into poverty thinking?

Isn’t that really what all this credit mess is about?
Who cares about the bill? That’ll come tomorrow. Just give me my toys today.

Real poverty is a lot more complicated than that, but I wonder what promotes the attitude among those who have so much. Many of us may indeed become poor (or at least relatively so) in the next year. What worries me more are those of us who are affluent (again, at least relatively) operating with a poverty mentality.