This Week’s Crazy Jobs


The more I compile this list, the more I find out that the number of weird jobs in the world is truly bottomless. There are, however, demographic considerations: Many of them are located in the San Francisco Bay Area. I searched locations like Nebraska, Miami, and even New York City, and couldn’t come up with a fraction of what San Francisco has to offer.
Here’s this week’s dose of weird:

1. San Francisco: Looking for Nude House Cleaner (Chris Hulton, right, has built a well-known UK business around the theme of naked scrubbing)

I am looking for a woman to come and clean my large apartment in the nude. I will be there, but let me assure you nothing untoward will occur. I will simply be there. I am personally interested in this service, but would also like to play a role in creating such a business in SF. I write for an online publication and could easily spread the word.

If you come over, I will write a lengthy article about the appearance of your buttocks as you bend over to mop the floor. I will then act as your housecleaning pimp to grow our business.

2. Anywhere: Preachers for Good News

Dear Friend,
We have realised the Ture word of God, believing that the Water and Spirit is an indispensable process for the redemption of mankind.

I would like you to preach the Gospel to souls who are lost and seeking.

To know more about the True Gospel of water and spirit, contact on the above Email-id. Compensation depends on experience.

Example of the Ture word of God: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a noodle, than for a rock man to enter the kingdom of Gouda.” Compensation depends on experience with Water and Spirit.

3. Bay Area: Senior Consumer Collector

Duties include:
• Calling on delinquent loans
• Making payment arrangements
• Maintaining detailed records of customer account status, payments, etc.
Requirements include:
• 3+ years of consumer collections calling experience
• Excellent phone, communications skills
• Professional demeanor and focus on providing the ultimate in customer service

Apply today…interviewing now!

Additional requirements: the ability to listen to the anguished wailing of families who have lost their houses while you chirpily explain their new 50%-interest repayment plan.

4. California: Be A Pita Pro

If you want to be part of a fun & faced paced environment, then Extreme Pita is for you. Extreme Pita in Sunnyvale is looking for fun, energetic, hard working people. We offer a friendly, fun & fast paced environment for you to excell your skills. Based on performance, there will be a lot of room for advancement. Do not hesitate. Join us now. We want you!!!

We consider good performance to be at least 30 perfect gyros in a row. Bad performance: Inadequately folded pitas with red peppers and feta crumbles regularly hitting clients’ tennis shoes. That was why we asked for a Pita Pro, you moron.

5. San Mateo: Sales Assistant in County Fair

How Automation is Changing Jobs, Careers, and the Future Workplace

We are looking for local sales person to mend our booth in san mateo county fair aug 8-17. Must be able to work all full fair hours of those days. Duties including: open up booth everyday, conduct sales, perform customer service, invoicing, inventory count and close up register and booth at the end of the day. candidate must be responsible, reliable, honest, hardworking, self motivated and have excellent referral/references.

I see one major omission in this ad. What exactly are you selling at this booth in the County Fair?

6. Malaysia: Field Agent to do Ground Work

We are currently seeking a new Agent to do ground work such as surveillance, photography and research in the Malaysia area. If you have a security or investigations background and are a reliable person please forward a resume for consideration.

The Why, For Whom, and For What Purpose remain unclear in this clandestine surveillance assignment. You’re just the contractor, doing what you’re told, innocently paving the way for Bali’s underground guerilla force to execute one of the most far-reaching and unprecedented invasions of the 21st century…

7. Bay Area: Part-Time Pro Soccer Video Analysts

We are seeking responsible, precise, highly detail-oriented part-time video analysts to watch and annotate video of pro and college soccer matches.

Intermediate computer skills and a strong knowledge of soccer are absolutely required. Primary qualification is a willingness to work hard, never-fail responsibility, and an ability to remain focused for long periods of time to achieve near-perfect video annotation.

Work is seasonal based on pro soccer schedules internationally. Many current employees are students who work weekends and before/after classes during the week.

I can see European men relocating to the States for this opportunity.

8. Telecommute: Age of Conan Experts Sought

I am currently writing a guide for gold making in Age of Conan and due to the game’s recent release, it has not been possible to fully explore all aspects of the game’s economy and top gold making locations thus far.

Therefore, I am looking for players who can provide very specific tips about gold making areas or methods that yield high volumes of silver or gold. What I need from players is where to go, what to kill, how long it takes, and how much silver or gold can be made (with any additional tips you feel like sharing).

The “what to kill” part threw me off. Good thing this isn’t a real-life ad looking for someone who knows how to make gold.

Happy Friday!

Written by Drea Knufken

Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.