Laid Off? Find Your New, Obamafied Job


After reading about yesterday’s Caterpillar, Sprint, Pfizer, and Home Depot layoffs–a grand total of 76,000 people worldwide–and President Barack Obama’s concurrent plans to stimulate the economy, it only seemed reasonable to come up with a list of new positions that former corporate functionaries could look for in the new, Obamafied economy. Most of these are actual jobs listed on the federal government’s USA Jobs database, which is certain to list more gigs in coming months:

1. Caterpillar machinist
1. Caterpillar machinist…for the government’s infrastructure-related fleet.
2. Pfizer scientist
2. Organic chemistry lecturer at a newly upgraded university
3. Sprint cellphone salesperson 3. Forklift operator
4. Home Depot expo customer support specialist 4. Contact representative for a government agency, such as Homeland Security
5. IBM budget analyst 5. Army Reserve budget analyst
6. Microsoft computer programmer
6. Army Research, Development, and Engineering Command programmer
7. Intel electronics engineer
7. US Army electronics engineer

8. Conde Nast publications writer 8. US Army food services worker
9. Sony operations manager 9. Facilities assistant, Federal Prison System
10. Google recruiter 10. Veterans Affairs employment specialist

Honorable mention: Ponzi Schematic Specialist –> Bahama retiree

Where do you fit into the new Obama economy?

  • How about Bernie Madoff for Head of Social Security?

  • Anand

    Its funny comparision. Why are govts all over trying to stimulate something, than letting the firms close, find their own way from debris? How long can they keep doing it and letting other competitive firms suffer? Is it the well managed firms problem that they were good that they are not getting aids ?

    I hope someone has sense and puts a stop to these bailouts, stimulus packages.

  • obama lied

    Obama is a joke- him winning was a joke- economy is falling apart WORSE- no one is laughing even tho all he can do is appoint theives and liars to office.