Laid Off? Find Your New, Obamafied Job

roadworker

After reading about yesterday’s Caterpillar, Sprint, Pfizer, and Home Depot layoffs–a grand total of 76,000 people worldwide–and President Barack Obama’s concurrent plans to stimulate the economy, it only seemed reasonable to come up with a list of new positions that former corporate functionaries could look for in the new, Obamafied economy. Most of these are actual jobs listed on the federal government’s USA Jobs database, which is certain to list more gigs in coming months:

OLD JOB
OBAMAFIED NEW JOB
1. Caterpillar machinist
1. Caterpillar machinist…for the government’s infrastructure-related fleet.
2. Pfizer scientist
2. Organic chemistry lecturer at a newly upgraded university
3. Sprint cellphone salesperson 3. Forklift operator
4. Home Depot expo customer support specialist 4. Contact representative for a government agency, such as Homeland Security
5. IBM budget analyst 5. Army Reserve budget analyst
6. Microsoft computer programmer
6. Army Research, Development, and Engineering Command programmer
7. Intel electronics engineer
7. US Army electronics engineer

8. Conde Nast publications writer 8. US Army food services worker
9. Sony operations manager 9. Facilities assistant, Federal Prison System
10. Google recruiter 10. Veterans Affairs employment specialist


Honorable mention: Ponzi Schematic Specialist –> Bahama retiree

Where do you fit into the new Obama economy?

SEE ALSO:
Top 10 Ways Not Using Cash Affects the Economy and Society

Written by Drea Knufken

Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.