Real Jobs You Can Get Right Now

scrubs__warm-up__pants The other night I had some extra time for Donny Deutsch. How I love that guy… Anyway, his guest was a woman who had spent over two decades working for herself in real estate. She’d been doing alright until recently. Now she’s looking at bankruptcy. A panel of experts all told her basically the same thing: get a job. She fought them all the way through the segment until some guy from Monster kind of told her to shut up. I understand. I don’t want to get a real job either. But I will if I have to.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (we all trust the government right now, yes?), these are your best bets through 2009:

Jobs You Can Probably Get Today
These positions require only a short to moderate period of on-the-job training:

    • Personal and home care aides
    • Home health aides
    • Medical assistants
    • Social and human service assistants
    • Gaming surveillance officers and gaming investigators
    • Pharmacy technicians 
    • Dental assistants
    • Gaming and sports book writers and runners (is this legal?)

Jobs You Can Get in Six Months:
These jobs require a post-secondary vocational award.

    • Manicurists and pedicurists
    • Makeup artists, theatrical and performance
    • Skin care specialists

Jobs You Could Have Next Year:
If you already have some college and really got on the ball you could finish up the Associate degree it takes for the following jobs:

    • Veterinary technologists and technicians
    • Physical therapist assistants
    • Dental hygienists
    • Environmental science and protection technicians, including health

If You Already Have a Degree:

These jobs require a Bachelor’s:

    • Network systems and data communications
    • Computer software engineers, applications
    • Personal financial advisors (Really?)
    • Substance abuse and behavioral disorder counselors
    • Financial analysts (preferably ones with some understanding of debt…)
    • Forensic science technicians
    • Computer systems analysts
    • Database administrators
    • Computer software engineers, systems software

And here are the hot jobs if you have a Master’s degree or higher:

    • Veterinarians
    • Mental health counselors
    • Mental health and substance abuse social workers
    • Marriage and family therapists
    • Physical therapists 
    • Physician assistants

I think the important thing to note here is how many gaming specialists and mental and social health helpers we’re expected to need. I know if I’m going to listen to people’s problems, I sure don’t want to be held to any kind of professional ethics – sign me up for beauty school!