Business Pundit

The other night I had some extra time for Donny Deutsch. How I love that guy… Anyway, his guest was a woman who had spent over two decades working for herself in real estate. She’d been doing alright until recently. Now she’s looking at bankruptcy. A panel of experts all told her basically the same thing: get a job. She fought them all the way through the segment until some guy from Monster kind of told her to shut up. I understand. I don’t want to get a real job either. But I will if I have to.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (we all trust the government right now, yes?), these are your best bets through 2009:

Jobs You Can Probably Get Today
These positions require only a short to moderate period of on-the-job training:

• Personal and home care aides
• Home health aides
• Medical assistants
• Social and human service assistants
• Gaming surveillance officers and gaming investigators
• Pharmacy technicians 
• Dental assistants
• Gaming and sports book writers and runners (is this legal?)

Jobs You Can Get in Six Months:
These jobs require a post-secondary vocational award.

• Manicurists and pedicurists
• Makeup artists, theatrical and performance
• Skin care specialists

Jobs You Could Have Next Year:
If you already have some college and really got on the ball you could finish up the Associate degree it takes for the following jobs:

• Veterinary technologists and technicians
• Physical therapist assistants
• Dental hygienists
• Environmental science and protection technicians, including health

If You Already Have a Degree:

These jobs require a Bachelor’s:

• Network systems and data communications
• Computer software engineers, applications
• Personal financial advisors (Really?)
• Substance abuse and behavioral disorder counselors
• Financial analysts (preferably ones with some understanding of debt…)
• Forensic science technicians
• Computer systems analysts
• Database administrators
• Computer software engineers, systems software

And here are the hot jobs if you have a Master’s degree or higher:

• Veterinarians
• Mental health counselors
• Mental health and substance abuse social workers
• Marriage and family therapists
• Physical therapists 
• Physician assistants

I think the important thing to note here is how many gaming specialists and mental and social health helpers we’re expected to need. I know if I’m going to listen to people’s problems, I sure don’t want to be held to any kind of professional ethics - sign me up for beauty school!