This week’s crazy jobs deserve a “creepy” addition, mostly because of #1’s excellent Fargo-esque nuances. Enjoy!
1. Montana: GOT limbs
need your limbs cleaned up from the recent snow two guys with a chipper and truck ready to go much cheaper than arborist is
The heck do ya mean by limbs?
2. London: Grain Grader
An International Inspection company is looking for qualified Grain Graders. A minimum of 2 years of experience is required, as well as a strong work ethic, and the ability to work flexible hours. Compensation will be based on experience. If interested, please reply to this advertisement with your resume.
Excessive sneezing not permitted.
3. India: Need a KickAss — Myspace Designer!!!
I need a Kick Ass Myspace designer.
You need to know everything about Myspace Designs. Send me your samples and quotes.
Will start soon.
I can’t use the thousands of existing free templates. I won’t look studly enough for the ladies I want to bedazzle.
4. Anywhere: Photo Editing – Removing Background
Need person with good communication and Photoshop skills to remove background from product photos.
Products are photographed against a green screen. Your job will be to remove the green background (very easy with Photoshop) and save the image on a white background. Edges must be preserved, clean and sharp!
Compensation: $ 0.25 per photo edited. Payable in USD via PayPal account.
At this low pay per photo, you will need to do thousands to make a decent wage. Expect to start mentally removing backgrounds from everything you see, everywhere, including your spouse, children, and the people on the bus.
5. Beijing: Snowboard Coach
We are looking for young energetic and proactive individuals to coach beginners, intermediate and advanced snowboarders.
Previous coaching experience a plus
First Aid knowledge would be preferred but not necessary
Coaches will be a reflection of the brand so they should be responsible, helpful, and passionate about snowboarding.
Teaching and Sales Commission & Bonuses
SNOWBOARD FOR FREE (after finishing responsibilities, DUH!)
Is that last bit about the free snowboarding AFTER finishing responsibilities supposed to be funny?
6. New Zealand: comic book artists wanted
looking for artists to expand on an ongoing storyline. the goal of the comic is to help prepare humanity for the impending climate change and also curb/redirect the terribly skewed culture pervading the united states. choose from a variety of scripts ranging from 5-20 pages.
This will be the most grim comic you ever draw.
7. Canada: General Roadmaster
TITLE: General Roadmaster
LOCATION: The Pas, MB Canada
The successful candidate for this position will serve as the Engineering department head for the Railroad. The General Roadmaster is responsible for the planning for all track-related activities including working with all Regional Management Teams to define priorities, establish performance expectations, establish performance metrics and measurements, evaluate performance to plan and the improvement of overall in this vital function.
Knowledge, Skills and Abilities:
1. The candidate will be competent in the use of the following computer programs, Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook.
2. The ability to read and understand engineering drawing, right-of-way maps and construction plans is essential.
3. Know and understand track safety standards and apply the knowledge in the field. Able to document items of non-compliance.
Must be able to wear safety equipment and be capable of walking up steep inclines and uneven surfaces.
I would do the work just for the sweet job title. Few can measure up to someone who goes by Roadmaster.
8. Vancouver: FROYO BROS AND SWIRL GIRLS!
A new and exciting Frozen Yogurt and Smoothie bar is opening in Downtown Vancouver and is looking for full and part time staff to join our team of FROYO BRO’S and SWIRL GIRLS!! Management positions are also available!
Requirements: Excellent english language skills, amazing customer service, an outgoing and fun personality, love to SMILE!!
Prefered: Food Safe certificate, experience with food handling, experience with cash and debit transactions, flexible schedule with availability for some weekend and evening shifts
This job, meanwhile, offers the lamest job titles possible.