Would you rather be a canvasser, a collections agent who deals with children, an illiterate teacher, a ranch hand, or a president’s right hand? How about an office boy or a sales eagle?
If you’re an illiterate eagle boy, you may make a good canvasser. And if you’re a president’s ranch hand, well…you’ve probably been getting paid pretty well for the past 8 years. See what insane occupational combinations you can dream up from this week’s crazy jobs:
1. Hawa’ii: ONLY EAGLES NEED APPLY
We are a leader in the automotive retail industry and need a self starter who can build and manage his or her own business and complement our team of sales all-stars. If you’ve got the horsepower to take over this critical position, hit our high standards, and grow fast with our company, send us your resume.
Include a separate article describing your most significant team and individual accomplishments.
We understand that a compensation package needs to be very aggressive to continue to build our all-star team and we promote team members based on performance, not tenure.
Most significant team accomplishment: Not getting caught in a jet engine.
2. Nationwide: Sales in Adult Entertainment
We have an honest company positioned (no pun intended) in a controversial industry.
We are a leader in adult entertainment marketing seeking male and female
professionals who want to make top (no pun intended) dollar selling (themselves) in this multi-billion dollar industry.
We are seeking people with the minimum prerequisites:
* Must be honest
* Must have average or above average computer and internet skills
* Must have absolutely no problem with (or being featured in) the adult entertainment industry
* Must desire to set their own schedule and to be OK with not having a boss (unless you want one, baby)
We provide free and continuous training (to give you a better position [no pun intended]).
Serious (friends of Eros) need only apply.
3. New Boston, TX: Ranch hand wanted
Must know the basics in farm equipment repair. have knowlegde of hay and cattle. no drugs! honest and dependable. must be able to work unsupervised. and do qaulty work call XXX-XXX-XXXX ask for tom. full or partime age, sex or race uninportant
Qualty = A mixture between quality and faulty. A quality ranch hand can repair farm equipment and feed cows. A faulty ranch hand breaks farm equipment and gives cows colic. A qualty ranch hand breaks cows and feeds farm equipment.
4. Texarkana, AR: Education – Government Sponsored Classes
• More than any other employment opportunities in the U.S., Teaching in School are lacking in Texarkana.
• Nation-Wide School Teachers shortages, collected with the evolution / growth in our student state, has made it mandatory for some districts in Texarkana to search for other side means to locate, train and book excellentEducators in School for our students.
Third-grade writing skills reqwired.
5. Bangladesh: Office Boy
Require Office Boys to our Clients.
Urgentaly contact/apply to this job.
Knowlede of Local language and English.
Fresh and exp. can apply.
salary depends on quility of interction.
Hurry Valid up to 31st Aug.
• Location: Bangladesh
• Compensation: $1500 Per Month
If compensation is actually USD 1500 per month, that fresh office boy is going to be rollin.’
6. Nationwide: SUMMER JOBS STANDING UP TO DISCRIMINATION
Are you looking for a Job That Matters?
Don’t want to spend your day stuck in a cubicle staring at a screen?
Sick of slinging lattes for the real-estate crowd?
Want to make $400-$600 each week AND make a difference?
If you want to get your hands dirty working for a cleaner environment, equal rights for all, and a democracy that actually puts regular people in charge then we have the perfect job for you!
What you’ll do:
The heart of the job is canvassing. In order to build the necessary citizen support, you will go out into communities and go door-to-door, or go into public places and talk with people about the issues, raise money, and build membership for the great organizations we work with. You’ll also work with the media, help build coalitions with other organizations and mobilize activists to help us win our campaigns.
We offer leadership positions and great career opportunities for college grads!
As you stand up for discrimination against the environment, you will also have to remain standing upright—and cheerful—while you are ceaselessly discriminated against by passerby.
7. Detroit: Collection Agents
Do you want a job that you love to go to? Do you like working with children and making a difference in their lives?
*You will be working closely with students & assisting in evaluations.
*Conduct marketing & provide customer service.
As a collections agent who works with children, you will be manifesting pure evil. But don’t worry, you get $15 per hour for doing the devil’s work.
8. Lincoln, NE: President’s Right Hand
Respected Non-Profit seeks a Professional Administrative Assistant to support the President. Use your MS Publisher skills to in creation of organizations monthly newsletter. Computer savvy needed to keep busy executive’s schedule running smoothly. Willingness to pitch in with any tasks. EOE
Who’s the president’s left hand?