This week’s jobs have a lot to do with juveniles. The way they think, that is, not juveniles as a human resource. Jobs calling for erection foremen, jokes writers for a defecating cat, binge drinkers, and energy drink salespeople took me back to my high-school days–and mindset. If you’re the type of person who either doesn’t know where to draw the line or chooses not to draw it, this week’s jobs are for you.
1. Phoenix: Metal Building Erection Foreman
Arizona steel erection company quickly growing, We are in need of several Erection Foreman. Candidate must be experienced and willing to travel or relocate, to Phoenix area.
2. Nationwide: Recovered Binge Drinkers Wanted
National Morning Show looking for women who are recovered binge drinkers and want to share their story on television. If this is you, and you would be interested, please e-mail us. Be sure to include a photo and the best telephone number to contact you! Thank you!
If you no longer binge drink, but ingest a steady supply of alcohol morning, noon, and night, you are probably still eligible.
3. France: One Line Jokes
Looking for 30 very funny one line French jokes, political satire or celebrity satire that we can have our animated cat say in French. To see our animated cat speak, go to www.dabajaba.com and you will see him there.
Compensation: We’ll pay $10.00US per joke used.
The ad doesn’t mention that all jokes culminate with the cat moaning loudly while aarschgnoddling into its litterbox. Check out the site if you don’t believe me.
4. Detroit: regarding email of gmail.com
looking for to help realtor to bad this guy name ryan is not a realtor by any means . i, myself looked up his credentials no such name
Look out for Ryan, who makes emails of gmail.com. Wait. Ryan? You’re not a realtor, are you?
5. Austria: Use Your Head, Not Your Feet!
Sealtight® Technology has openings for a few good reps in different areas of the country.
As the leader in the fastener industry, with multiple U.S. & Intl. Patents; Sealtight® Technology has the ability to design & manufacture thousands of variations of the highest quality stainless steel self-sealing fasteners; screws, nuts, & bolts. Sealtight® markets around the globe to the Space, Defense, & Commercial Industries.
Large front-end commission on first clients, residual commissions on re-orders, protected client base, territory, training, and materials.
If you use your head to sell fasteners, and your feet to sell bolts, what do you use to sell nuts & screws?
6. Paris: International Beverage Company
I have exclusive rights to All natural Healthy Energy drink that is taking the United States by storm and I am wanting to expand my buisness in Paris. I am looking for Leaders with an Entrepreneur spirit. Do you like working with people? Are you looking for an opportunity that can make you some serious money?
We are the First Online Beverage Company with a high quality product without High prices. Our Energy drink is the Worlds First All Natural Healthy Energy Drink. This is a ground floor opportunity for those of you ready to get serious about making money and working with a multi billion dollar company please contact me via email.
Cliché-driven applicants with experience in overdone products preferred.
7. Anywhere: Legitimate work
Part time workers needed to do some work over the internet. Up to $10 hourly.
Vague resumes appreciated.
8. Washington, DC: Adviser on Climate and Energy Policy
The German Embassy in Washington is seeking a highly qualified and dynamic indvidual to serve as adviser on the climate and energy team of the Embassy’s economic department starting September 1, 2008, for an initial period of two years.
The climate and energy team’s main objectives are to analyze and report to the German Government on U.S. climate change and energy policy and to provide strategic and practical input for partnerships and relationships between U.S. stakeholders and their counterparts in Germany in climate change and energy security issues.
The successful candidate will report to the Counselor for Environment and Energy and work closely with other policy officers within the department and Embassy who deal with climate and energy issues.
Duties and Responsibilities
• Represent the Embassy and advocate for the German Government’s position on climate change and energy with high-level congressional staff, government, companies, and NGOs at the federal and state levels;
• Establish and maintain contact with the relevant constituencies;
• Identify opportunities for dialogue, networking, and advocacy and design strategies for German and European participation;
• Work closely with other German institutions and the network of German consulates throughout the U.S.;
• Analyze and write reports on particular climate change and energy issues;
• Other duties as required.
Qualifications and Requirements
• Minimum Bachelor’s degree; Masters degree preferred
• Basic knowledge of the German language
• At least four years professional experience and excellent knowledge of the U.S. governmental system
• Solid background in climate change and related energy issues
• Demonstrated ability to present complex issues in a clear and convincing manner
• Excellent communication and organizational skills
• Ability to work within a team
• Good knowledge of Internet applications and MS Office, preferably also OpenOffice applications
Contract conditions and compensation are based on the standard employment agreement for nondiplomatic staff at the German foreign missions in the U.S. and on the corresponding pay scale.
If you want to know how to say “job requires networking and writing reports” in 170 words, see above.