Business Pundit

I’m waffling about whether to call this weekly post “Crazy Jobs” or “Weird and Unusual.” After all, they have different meanings. For example, this week’s female chauffeur position (must drive in high heels) strikes me as crazy. The maid ad is weird, and the repo man is unusual. How should I term this ongoing list of anomalies?

Read the jobs below, and please let me know if any classification strikes you as most relevant:

1. Delaware: Get PAID to work out! $$ Natural house cleaning!

We are seeking PT (approx. 12-25 hours/week), day shift “Natural Cleaning Specialist”!! (We will train.) *May have additional weekday hours available if you are interested.

The current position is for 2-3 days a week. Our company offers a friendly environment, flexible hours, and excellent pay!

We provide:
- Work uniform
- All cleaning supplies
Experience influences your pay but is not required!!!

**Please note: If you are unable to follow our specific application instructions or if you do not meet our job requirements, this position is not for you…

Thank you for your interest!

Natural cleaning specialist? Paid to work out? Being a maid has never been so fun! Or, well, fun at all. But we won’t talk about that.

2. Dallas: Like High Pressure Environments? The Lazy Need Not Apply!

Applicants must have previous experience with photocopying and scanning large amounts of legal documents. Must be able to work within a reprographic shop setting. Must have previous experience with photocopy and scanning machines and be able to perform quality control. Must be able to stand for 6-8 hours at a time. Second Shift hours are from 3pm-11pm or longer dependent on amount of work. Lazy applicants need not apply!

It’s OK, lazy people. You can work for them too. You just have to move a bunch of paper really fast and force your face into a serious expression when anyone walks by. You’ll be fine.

3. New Jersey: Learn Equine Massage

Equine Massage Classes offered in Warren County, NJ 4 days with some home study…Payment plans/paypal accepted. Do you want to Start your OWN Business? Learn a NEW Language with horses while improving their Performance & Well-Being? SAVE $50 during the month of October!!

Kicking and biting insurance not included.

4. Portland, OR: REPOSSESSION AGENT

Looking for 4 fulltime repo agents. Can train right person. Clean driving and criminal record a must. Fun energetic job. Work odd hours. Full benefits after training and probation. Please email resume.

Priority given to anyone who’d rather die on their feet than live on their knees. We’ll take you off probation when you grow a mullet and wear a sleeveless flannel shirt five days in a row.

5. Tennessee: Female Chauffeur

Provide transport for ‘nights on the town’, etc. Some of our clients prefer well-dressed female drivers (including driving in heels), hence the posting. We are still working on the exact pay but should be in the $30-$75/hour, depending.

We ask that our female drivers drive in high heels and sometimes manual transmissions. Therefore, we are looking for a part-time “model-type” female driver needed to drive customers to desired locations around Memphis. Outgoing personality & knowledge of the Memphis area as well as nightlife. Must be well dressed and be able to wear high heels while driving.

Must knock clients on their backs and gently place heeled foot in the center of their chests, causing them to giggle wildly, at the end of every shift.

6. North Carolina: teenage male needed for weekend day labor

jobs will include helping drag brush, cleaning up yard, helping out with light carpentry, and other small odd jobs. pay negotiable.

weekend work only. will pick up if transportation is a problem. must be able to lift 80 lbs.

I don’t even want to ask why this poster specifically wants a teenage male to cavort with—err, help him in his backyard.

7. Delaware: Good Driver Needed!!

I need a Private driver with An experienced needed urgently.. Moreso should make sure all papers are fully in order..Get back to me now Via email..

Drivers who get papers in order on the road especially desired.

8. Colorado: Native American Actors wanted for Sci-fi Drama

Looking for experienced actors of Native American decent, and Native American that has a lot of knowledge about spirituality and enlightment.

Respected shaman of ancient traditions needed to interact with B-grade actors dressed in green Styrofoam suits. They better pay well.