Looking for someone trained in human euthanasia to work in an economy-proof industry. If you lack those qualifications, you can always settle for life at the cactus nursery. This week’s weird jobs have a taste of it all:
1. Texas: Cactus Nursery Worker Needed
Growing and expanding cactus and succulent nursery is looking for an able body to assist in daily greenhouse operations. Responsibilities will be generally, but not limited to, assisting in the loading and unloading of the delivery trailer, soil mixing, plant potting and repotting, maintaining greenhouses and nursery grounds so they are tidy and watered, taking customers on occasion, etc.
Gloves and/or thick calluses required.
2. Texas: CRIME PAYS – BIG – Work 3 Months & Then GET 1 Month OFF WITH PAY!
We are currently staffing our special promotions department. Entry level position for enthusiastic, energetic people. We are willing to train the right individuals to demonstrate our products. Learn about security systems and have fun before work on the Xbox 360. Get paid weekly.
In today’s economy many businesses are downsizing. Not ours. We are in the home security industry and unfortunately the worse the economy gets the more there is a need for our products. That is why we are expanding. Start your career in an economy proof industry.
Economy-proof industry, eh? Where do I board the shuttle to Gamma Canaris?
3. Nationwide: (Inbound Callers)
We are a local firm of a U.S. company that has many services that are in demand in this economy. Incoming calls only. Daily Pay. Rapid Advancement.
We’d rather not tell you what we do, but traditionally, alcohol, poker, and sex pick up in “this economy.” Take your pick—you’re selling one of them.
4. Michigan: Need Actress for Short Horror Film
Need attractive female actress for role in short horror film. Film will be part of a series of short films that will be combined into a full length movie.
Send the following info:
– Still Photo
– Web link to a monologue that shows fear, sadness, anger, and happiness
(See sample monologue at www.corbusfilms.com)
– Reason you think you can act
Showing four emotions and thinking you can act are the only prerequisites? Good thing actors will probably be murdered early on.
5. Michigan: Animal Control Officer
We are accepting applications to fill the position of full time ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER.
Applicants must (upon submission of application)
1. Be certified through the State of Michigan for Animal Control.
2. Certified or Certifiable in Human Euthanasia Practices; proficiency and knowledge of the American Veterinary Association Guidelines. Applicants must possess good moral character as determined by a favorable comprehensive background investigation covering school and employment records, home environment, personal traits and integrity.
Human euthanasia? Those dog catcher recruiters aren’t messing around these days.