This Week’s Weird Jobs



This week’s weird jobs involve dead rats, dancing elderly, mediators, and shady moves.
Pick your poison:

(Image: PuppiesAreProzac/Flickr)

1. CA: RATS! DEAD ONES! Need dead rats removed from attic for 5,000 CD’s

I NEED THIS DONE ASAP!

I am currently a morning show DJ in Atlanta and need someone to remove dead rats from my home in San Francisco.

Here’s the short story…my wife still resides in the home (don’t ask me why I haven’t moved her her yet, but distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder!). We had rats and rather than spending money on a professional to ensure comfortable living quarters for my spouse I decided to handle it myself with PEANUT BUTTER flavored poison cubes (during one of my weekend visits). The hardware store guy told me that the rats would become dehydrated and leave the house for water.

Perfect, my wife would get off my back about taking care of the rat problem and the rats would walk their poisoned butts out of my house to DIE! Well, the rats never got that memo! They decided to die in the attic and smell up the house. STUPID RATS! Needless to say my wife is pissed.

So, basically I am too cheap to fly out to handle it and too cheap to hire a professional at full cost. The only thing I have to BARTER is my collection of 5,000 CD’s that my wife has threatened to throw away if I don’t take care of it. If you are an exterminating professional who would like to do this job for 5,000 CD’s please contact me imediately!

Please HURRY!

Otherwise my wife will return all the aluminum wedding jewelry I gave her and sue me for the $250 I’m worth.

2. NY: Man with van needed to help me move a mattress

I need a man with a van or small truck for 5/17/10, after 6PM, to help me move a queen size mattress, small table top, small filing cabnet and a few other assorted items. We will be traveling in Yonkers, NY. I would mainly need assistance carrying the matress, the other items can be curb to curb. The trip is about 6 miles. Will pay cash. Please respond with a quote, your’re availability and contact infromation. Thanks.

* Location: No Pros, cash Yonkers

No pros, payment in cash? That mattress must be stuffed with cocaine or something.

3. NY: Drive me to newark airport

Want someone to drive me to newark airport new jersey from queens blvd I will stay there for an hour and half and then drive me back to queens tomorrow between 1 to 4.

* Compensation: $75 including toll

Speaking of drug deals…

4. NY: Mediator Needed for Hourlong Session

Our once-harmonious apartment share is no longer peaceful. There are misunderstandings and grievances that need to be aired. It would be best if we had a mediator present to guide the conversation.

We will be talking at 10 pm on Monday evening, and need someone with meditation or counseling experience to help out. The apartment is just north of McCarren park on the border of Williamsburg and Greenpoint.

If you think you can help, send along your bio and (if possible) a couple of references. Will pay from $50 to $150 for the hour, depending on experience.

The problems started when we began sleeping with one another. Please mediate.

5. CA: Need elderly that can dance!!!

I’m a music producer and I have an electro/house instrumental and Im looking for elderly that can dance to the track on video. If you still have the moves let me know! Please send me a link to video of you dancing if you have one and resume please.

By the way, this is house music, so we’ll be dressing you in vinyl pants and tube tops. Hope you don’t mind.

Happy Friday!

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