This Week’s Weird Jobs

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Attention, men. Some jobs are tailor-made for your wildest fantasies. Like the woman from Seattle (#2) who needs help lactating. Or #4 on this week’s list, which doesn’t ask for men outright, but could be a mighty good place to be–if the trial works:

1. Denver: Male/Female Spanish Voice Acting
An exciting video / multimedia production company is expanding its business model and looking to hire talented, hard-working Latin American Spanish Voice Over artists for short form video and commercial products.

Requirements include:

-Fluency in Colombian Latin American Spanish.
-A clear and professional voice.
-An ability to cold read scripts up to 45 seconds long.

Compensation is competitive and based on qualifications.

We will pay double for anyone capable of doing convincing male AND female voice.

2. Seattle: wanting a lactating specialist
I would like to begin producing milk again. I understand what is involved and need the help of someone that can commit to 4 days a week, one hour a day,,, 6:00am to 7:00am, monday through thursday. I need someone that can suckle 15 minutes on each side. I am not seeking a sex partner.. I don;t want to give it out or get it.. got it.. just someone that is willing to suck on my breasts for about a half an hour every morning. I need at least a one week commitment and am looking for more than one person as i understand this is actually more work than it seems. I am presently pumping a few times a day and manualy manipulating my nipples when I can’t pump. I am not lactating presently so please, if you are expecting to drink, its not happening yet. Please only serious apply… and please be in your 40’s.. I am uncomfortable with people that aren’t my age.

Someone needs to gently break the news to this woman that they make machines for this kind of thing.

3. Nevada: Former atv tour guide?
Were you recently a employee of a atv tour company in henderson? Please reply to this ad for more details.

A little incentive might help, buddy…

4. Las Vegas: Low Libido Clinical Research Study Now Enrolling!
Looking for participants to enroll into an international research study by a major pharmaceutical company to treat the symptoms of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. (Low libido)

If you are 30 or older, are surgically post-menopausal, and taking a stable dose of estrogen therapy, please call to learn more about this research opportunity from a friendly patient services coordinator.

Study participants will receive exams and lab work at no cost. Participants can also be compensated up to $450.00 for their time and travel.

Male administrators will not be held responsible for any infidelity resulting from successful trials.

5. Las Vegas: Wave Machine Operator
Must have at least 6 months experience operating a Wave Machine. Please do not apply unless experience as a Wave Operator is listed on resume; all others will not be contacted. Please reply with a resume attached and a contact number where you can be reached.

Those who take joy in tsunamis will not be considered.

Happy Friday!