Next time someone asks you what you do, you can say “I’m a nemesis,” or “I’m a budtender.” At least, that would be the case if you picked up one of the jobs below:
1. Adult Fantasy Phone Artist (work from home)
Adult Fantasy Phone Artists needed for established phone service. Knowledge of fetishes a plus. Must have phone to make long distance calls from Land line with unlimited long distance to US & Canada. Accents or foreign language a + ie: British, Latin, Asian, French, Indian Experience a +. Compensation: $10 for 20 min $5 for 10 min
Latin accent, eh? Must be a lot of historians calling in.
2. San Francisco: Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibility to extend
I’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again.
An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I’m willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, “Ahha, we meet again”. That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes.
Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.
British accent preferred.
• Compensation: $350 up front
You can tell this guy works in insurance. Someone else might, say, punch or slander someone to acquire a real-life nemesis. The job poster, on the other hand, wants all the benefits of a nemesis–without the risk.
3. Texas: Successful Independent Women/Man Reality Show
Are you a successful woman/man? Do you have your own successful business? Are you the best in your field? Are you a doctor, attorney realtor, making at-least 6 figures??? … Do you have an elite group of friends? Do you find it hard to find the right man/woman because of your success? We are interesting in interviewing successful women; single, engaged or recently divorced…. If selected – participants will receive some compensation & Possible Reality show placement.
We will try to hook you up with handsome studs looking for sugar mommas.
4. Los Angeles: Medical Marijuana Budtender
We are looking for an attractive female bud tender for our unique medical marijuana pharmacy. Must be self motivated, responsible and reliable. Sales experience is a plus but not a must. Must be able to obtain doctor recommendation. Please provide your current photo(s), a short letter, and resume.
So people will buy more pot when there’s a hot girl behind the counter? Sounds half-baked, but oddly plausible.
5. Louisiana: The Winning Edge
Well-established company in need of an independent Data Entry Clerk. Must have following: Computer – high speed connection, telephone, fax machine. Computer needs Micro-soft Office Apps.
We would like someone who is good with time management, sincere, and well rounded.
Micro-soft = Microsoft, spelled with a Southern accent.