This Week’s Weird Jobs

If you have a plastic surgery obsession and can write cute code, this week’s job might herald your future:

1. CA: Allow me to complicate your semi-charmed life

So, you’ve got a great job, a house, a car. Your friends are encouraging and supportive. Your family adores you. Dogs, cats, and children flock to you.

But, you’re just missing that little something. You just need a little more flavor. Something to keep you on your toes.

I’ve met your type before and I know just what you need.

I can provide you with a ration of anxiety attacks, sleep disturbances, and newfound paranoia. I am also willing to upset the most solid of friendships, anger your mother, and challenge your ability to keep your job. I can convince you that you are responsible for my well-being and, despite the havoc I leave in my wake, you will be inexplicably attracted to me.

I’m sure you’re wondering how I will accomplish this feat. That is not important. My undeniable sex appeal, charm, and natural talent for mayhem will not fail.

What you should be asking is why. Why would you want this? Well, you’ll be the first to admit that your comfortable life is getting quite dull. Once our courtship ensues you will have a renewed appreciation for the ho-hum. You’ll catch glimpses of the life you once had…casual drinks after work, football on Sundays, barbeques in the summertime…and though you’ll long for those days, you will feel wounded, crippled, unable to crawl back to that time. Eventually, though, I will feel you’ve had enough. I will leave you helpless, friendless, and so accustomed to my insatiable sex drive that you will continue to be isolated, frightened, and incapacitated in my absence. A ghost from your past life will find you, just before you turn to hard drugs to soothe your scarred psyche, and will nurse you back to emotional health.

This journey, this voyage will create a lifetime of unwavering appreciation for all of the things you had once thought to be dull. Food will taste better. Laughter will be more joyful. Warm human contact will be orgasmic. Plus, you will have an abundance of interesting stories to share with your loved ones. This experience may even lead to a new career as a motivational speaker.

Why am I willing to offer this life changing experience?

Well, frankly, I really need a good back rub right now.

I think we’ve all known somebody like this–but most don’t do it voluntarily, let alone for a back rub.

2. UK: celebrities

contact us if you are looking for an internship that will cover celebrities.

highlight any passions you have for the site and what you will bring to table for the team.

Celeb Site!

For some reason, I am already feeling sorry for whatever unsuspecting intern these people find.


3. UK: Need someone to mail a package to the United States

I have run into some shipping problems and I simply need someone to accept a package and ship it off the States. I’d pay for the shipping and effort. It’s a small, light package (not fragile or too expensive).

Let me know if you’d be willing!

It’s full of illegal substances and whatnot, but don’t worry, your effort is covered.

4. LA: The CW is casting women with a PLASTIC SURGERY OBSESSION!

The CW network is casting a new documentary series about women leading double lives because of a secret addiction or obsession. We are looking for women 18-30 with an obsession and love for plastic surgery. Do you frequently go under the knife? Are you constantly altering your appearance? Will you stop at nothing until you’ve reached perfection?

If this sounds like you, we want to know your stories.

Heidi Montag, this is your second chance at stardom!

5. OH: Lolcode Developer: YOU CAN HAS CHEEZEBURGER?

YOU CAN HAS CHEEZEBURGER?
YOU HAS A FLAVUR?
YOU HAS BUKKIT?
If so, you may be the right fit for this Columbus Web Design Startup! We are a small company looking for a Senior LOLCode Developer, preferably with at least 3 months experience developing LOLapps. Please send a resume, along with links to any web-based LOLapps you have developed.

KTHXBYE

Havez teh job of your DREAMZ!

Happy Friday!