This Week’s Weird Jobs

bestman
Image: SpeechSuccess.com

Has anyone ever asked you to be their best man or maid of honor? Did you enjoy it? If so, there may be a job in your future…

1. CA: Positions Available @ Private Women’s Gym

Women’s Athletic Club is looking for part-time front desk help and instructors. Must be flexible, professional and dependable. Good ideas are always welcomed.

If you’re male and tend to gawk, please be very good at hiding it.

2. CA: Bike, Segway, & Walking Tour Guides / Guerilla Marketers

Our guests are always jealous that we get to do this everyday and get paid for it. This job is perfect for anyone who wants to get experience and break into the hospitality industry in San Diego in a big way.

Principle Duties: Disseminate information and perform extemporaneous narration. Answers guest questions concerning San Diego and Segways. Monitor the safety of all guests the entire time.

Responsibilities include: Cleaning and maintaining Segways to the best of your ability, to take care of our guests, maintaining the Segway shop area: changing tires, adjusting Segways.

Must have the ability to exert up to 20 pounds of force to move objects, and occasionally more force to move Segways. Must be able to work outdoors while exposed to sunny, wet and/or humid weather conditions. Will work with guests of all ages, individuals with special needs, and people with different ethnic or cultural backgrounds or languages. Must have the ability to use mechanical devices including but not limited to the Segways.

Requirements: Friendly, on time everytime, out-going, calm under pressure, humble, basic Segway knowledge.

Whatever you do, just be sure you’re good at riding a Segway.

3. CA: Baggage Handler

We are searching for a temporary Baggage Handler who is able to lift up to 70lbs. The job entails picking up and moving luggage from one place to another.

The job will run for approximately one month. Flight is every Tuesday from 9:00a.m.-12:00pm.

The job location is at LAX, for an outbound flight to Cuba.

Extra income possible if you use this position to smuggle drugs.

4. CA: KNOW SOMEONE WHO’S PREGNANT?

MAJOR NETWORK NOW CASTING A NEW DOCUMENTARY SERIES ABOUT FIRST-TIME PREGNANCIES.

WE ARE SEARCHING FOR WOMEN WHO AREN’T SURE IF THE DAD TO BE IS PREPARED FOR FATHERHOOD AND NOT STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE.

Are you and your boyfriend/Husband having relationship issues? Did you get married because of this pregnancy? Do you want to find out if he is cut out to be a good Dad? Has this pregnancy added stress to your relationship?

We are looking for pregnant women, 18+, who want to prepare the father to be for what’s to come!

Although we may contribute to your divorce, you must sign a waiver absolving us of any financial responsibility for it.

5. MA: Wanted URGENTLY: Best Man for wedding

I’m backing out on my cousin last minute, and I before I do it, I need someone lined up to take my place, because I’m not sure that he’ll be able to find someone at such short notice.

Pay is $200+ (negotiable), plus a night in the hotel in question (I’ll sacrifice my room there for the right candidate).

You MUST have comprehensive experience in this position, have a TUX (because the one I have might not fit you), and have transport to and from the locations.

Email me with a few pictures (preferably in a tux at a wedding, in the Best Man role) and brief history of experience in this position, and a telephone number where I can contact you.

This will be a one time contract job. You will be required to be available during the entire day, from 9am until 12am (perhaps even until 2am). You will be required to make a speech and fulfill other customary duties normally executed by the best man at weddings. If you happen to find a beautiful woman to dance the night away with, that’s fine, so long as the aforementioned duties are fulfilled in their entirety and in a satisfactory manner.

Due to the sensitivity of this position, and the short time available, please only apply if you are sincere, clinically sane & stable and experienced.

“Clinically sane” may be an overstatement, but we’ll hire you anyway.

Happy Friday!

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