Quite frankly, the low caliber of this week’s jobs actually make teaching driving to teenagers sound good:
1. CA: Plumbing Superstar
Help…….. We have more work then we can handle are you our next superstar? Have people called you great Plumber? Do you like it when your work day flies by? Come and join an incredible growing team of professionals. We are looking for super star Plumbers who want to join a hip company that knows how to have fun. This person should be personable, energetic, efficient, and responsible with strong work ethics and of course super star powers. We promise you will never be bored in our fast paced environment!
Leaky faucets and clogged toilets have never held such glamor.
2. CA: YOU CAN FLIP HOUSES OR FLIP BURGERS?? U DECIDE…
If you’ve worked in any real estate job other than an investor, usually the investor is the one making the most money at the end of the day. Are you ready to get in the game?
We are looking for a few individuals who are ready to work hard and get in the game of real estate investing. We are a local and national group of investors that complete real estate deals regularly. Mentorship and training are with you every step of the way. Our local group of investors meet regularly to discuss how they are making the most money in this opportunistic market.
* Compensation: Excellent
Dear prospective burger joint employees: Note that flipping homes in a bad economy might not actually be that good an idea, either.
3. CO: Driving Instructor
MasterDrive is adding to our instructor staff. This job is not for the weak or weary as new teen drivers will challenge you. However, teaching them to be DRIVERS will provide more value to YOU than you can possibly imagine. This is about saving lives and making a positive contribution to young people throughout our city.
You need to bring energy, enthusiasm and a commitment to helping others learn skills that will someday save their lives, as well as teaching the rules of the road. You also need to have ten years experience as a licensed driver. We select only the best, so put your best foot forward and CONVINCE us that you need to be one of the few that get an interview.
You will be screened for sedative addictions, heart conditions, and anger management skills before we hire you.
5. Need a volunteer to give me a vasectomy
Well, I do have health insurance, believe it or not. But it’s useless to pay for a vasectomy, since I’m only 24. I’ve wanted one since I was 16. I have one kid already and don’t ever want another (though I love the one I have, of course). Anyway, my doctor said it would be impossible until I’m 30 or have 4 kids. I’m hoping I don’t have 4 kids before turning 30, but accidents happen.
Would you like to stop accidents? Perhaps you are Christian and you hate abortion more than anything. Well, I guarantee you will prevent more than one abortion by snipping my vas. Perhaps you’re a liberal and you hate seeing kids grow up in poverty. You get the drift.
Yes, this is a serious post. Please reply only if you have experience doing vasectomies, and you are willing to do one “pro-bono”.
P.S. I called Planned Parenthood already. They want $500.
Just make sure that homegrown O.R. in your basement is sanitary and all.