This Week’s Weird Jobs

sherpa
Image: Nepal News

If you admire the strength, fortitude, and skill of the Sherpa people, you’re not alone
. Nor are you alone in wondering what being a Sherpa has to do with chillin’ alongside a beer-swilling guitar player:

1. Unfocused guitar player looking for Sherpa/life manager

In need of someone to help me organize and focus my life. Sort of like a personal assistant, altho I wont be having you do very much. This gig will probably involve sitting around a lot and doing very little. The compensation offered will reflect that. It may also involve listening to me complain, offering advice, doing tasks for me that I could easily do myself but dont want to, helping me find a job that I like, and picking up beer. These “Sessions” could go on for an hour, or you could party with me if your cool, and it might end up going on for a couple days. The biggest thing is to help find jobs for me that you think I might like and send my resume for me. You should also possess the ability to make a resume for me that disguises the fact that i have very few skills as far as work is concerned.

The ideal canidate for this gig has no actual skills in the area of life management, has low expectations, and is an attractive girl.

E-mail me for more info and the opportunity to party lavishly with a gawdy and eccentric rock and roller.

Nice.

2. Canada: Audit Manager

Our client is a very successful and dominant public practice based in the Northwest Territories. It essentially has a monopoly on clients in its geographical region. A monopoly born from great client relationships, quality and integrity.

It seeks an Audit Manager with 5-10 years of audit experience to join the firm and provide outstanding service to its broad portfolio of clients.

Remuneration: $90,000 – $130,000 + Rent free house + Benefits

We’re a friendly monopoly. We swear.

3. Austin: Many jobs in one …

Many jobs in one. This job is hard to explain but does guarantee at least minimum wage on your own terms. We need some parking signs sold, we need some ticketing work done and we need some monitoring services. I really don’t know how else to explain it.

This job does have some weird hours but in all likelihood, it will be less than 40 hrs per week. There is a real possibility here to develop substantial extra income from bonuses. You will get back what you put into it.

Look, we have an elaborate marijuana ring that uses parking lots as fronts. We need you to help set it up, make it look like a legitimate operation, and make sure law enforcement stays out. I really don’t know how else to explain it.

4. Austin: Hiring Dog Adoption Counselor

Are you interested in saving the lives of homeless dogs by finding them new families?

Responsibilities:

• Transport dogs in company vehicle to adoption site
• Set up and break down site equipment, tents, and pens
• Maintain adoption site including sanitation of grounds and materials
• Administer medications to dog and update medical charts

This is a CHALLENGING job and seeking only those who are dedicated, honest, and hard-working. Full-time position working 13-14 hour days, 3 days/week. Pay is $10/hour, no benefits at this time.

ONLY apply if you have significant amount of dog handling experience.

That’s 42 hours/week condensed into 3 dog-filled days. For $10/hour. They’re not kidding when they say CHALLENGING.

5. Oakland: Part Time Domestic Assistant for Busy Christian Executive

Seeking a part-time domestic assistant to help Busy Executive with domestic duties.

Duties Include:
• Grocery Shopping
• Picking up dry cleaning
• Setting appointments
• Running errands

Other duties would include
• Transcribing Christian Messages
• Transcribing Christian journal entries
• Working closely with Christian Church Board Members

REQUIRED Experience:
• Experience in dealing with others of the Christian Faith
• Experience / Savvy in San Francisco Shopping (Boutiques, Hair Salons, Department Stores, Cosmetic Counters, Skin
Treatments, etc.)

Required Personality Traits:
• Must be pleasant, quick to take direction, resourceful, trustworthy, energetic, responsible, and able to get things done with no guidance or supervision.
• Fashion savvy, Knowledge of cutting edge skin treatments, cosmetics, hair treatments, body wraps, etc.

Salary: $20 – $30 per hour, based on experience.

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

“But while you are serving the Lord, glowing skin and silky tresses can’t hurt, right?” (Anonymous)

Happy Friday!