This Week’s Weird Jobs

Different jobs require different kinds of suits. Business suits. Pantsuits. A jerky suit. Birthday suits. Sex on a boat, wearing whatever you please. This week’s jobs cover them all:

1. Colorado: LOOKING FOR COMPETENT WORKERS

We are looking for competent workers.

Competent workers to do what exactly? Oh right–work.

2. Texas: Aviation English Instructor

ESL instructor needed to assist with teaching Aviation English to Scandinavian students, ensuring that students achieve a minimum of FAA required ICAO level 4 Operational English. Must be able to use working curriculum, formulate and execute lesson plans, and communicate effectively with multiple flight instructors and management staff on an on-going basis. Flexible schedule and reliable transportation required. Salary dependent on experience.

If you think that “here mit de boome shooten!” and “reeght crussveend depertoore-a” are legitimate ATC commands, please do not apply.

3. Indiana: Jerky Distributor Wanted

Gourmet Jerky at its best! Very established company. Part-Time, commission only, slow starting income….. but unlimited income for the right person. Email me for details….

“Jerky distributor” is one of those job titles you’d best leave at the door before singles night.

4. CA: Sex for rent – live on a boat!

It’s that simple – older gent looking for some simple companionship. Get back to me for details.

PS. It’s a dinghy. PPS. It’s moored in the San Pedro shipping port. PPSS. I wear dirty speedos. It’s worth free rent, I swear.

5. OR: Personal assistant to naturist couple

Successful, well-established couple, mid-30s (she’s a film editor, he’s a novelist) seek a shared personal assistant to cover a wide range of tasks and responsibilities, some related to work (scheduling meetings, making travel arrangements, categorizing and responding to incoming e-mail, etc.), and some to personal matters (shopping, organizing the apartment, various other day-to-day needs, ). No children; no pets. We’re not certain exactly how many hours per week we require, but it will not be less than 20, and we’re prepared to guarantee 20 as a minimum, at $20-25 per hour. We’re looking for someone enthusiastic, intelligent and self-motivated who is also an excellent communicator.

There is one other element (as noted in the headline) that applicants need to be aware of and comfortable with: We are both naturists and accordingly often go nude in our apartment. There is no sexual aspect to this at all nor any element of exhibitionism, merely a matter of personal comfort. Anyone who works in our home simply needs to be prepared to see both of us fully or partially naked at various times. This is not an unpleasant sight (we are both entirely ordinary looking, neither staggeringly attractive nor especially unattractive) and should quickly become routine – but obviously this would not be a good position for anyone who is uncomfortable around nudity. (You do not have to go nude yourself at any time, though of course you’d be welcome to if you wanted. You merely have to be comfortable with our doing so.)

If you’re interested in the position, please send your resume and a brief note describing your interest and any relevant previous experience you’ve had.

These guys probably telecommute. I’m never going to look at telecommuters the same way.

Happy Friday!

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