This Week’s Weird Jobs

What does a clown who doesn’t entertain kids, twist balloons, or act funny do? Get rip roaring drunk, of course:

Image: Mel B./Flickr

1. OH: Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party

We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavily. He doesn’t even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.

Oh, did I mention that the clown needs to get shitfaced. Don’t worry, we will purchase all the drinks.

Clown should expect to see sorry-looking images of self posted all over the Internet the next day.

2. WA: need help putting together a new ellipitical

I recently bought an ellipitical and need somone to put it together for me. please call with cerdentials and price.

Anyone with the ability to read an instruction manual could jump in on this job.

3. UK: Retailer or Seller Needed for Selling Minoxidil (Generic Rogaine)

I need a seller in the UK that will do business with me buying a very hot item from me and selling it. The item is Minoxidil 5% Kirkland Signature Brand which is a reputable generic version of Rogaine Foam 5% at less than half the cost. I am a Powerseller on eBay. You can reply to this ad for more information. Thank you.

* Compensation: $50 for a one year supply, a discount if more.

This job poster is either confused by the term compensation or the term business partner. Wonder which it is?

4. UK: Squirting Study requires females

This is a completely voluntary job for ladies who wish to take part on this study to promote better understanding on orgasmic squirting.

There is no current data is available on this aspect of human sexuality, if you are in that percentile where you have very obviously squirting I would like to hear from you in order to collect data and see patterns and match with current portrait of female squirting in adult filmography. This study will bring new light into what popular perception on squirting is about and have graphical representation on the whole phenomena. Might require demonstration and sexual acts so if you are comfortable with please feel free to reply to this, all ages and races encouraged to apply.

This job posting wins this year’s Weird Study award.

5. NY: Capitalist Endeavor seeking Poor Artist to be Taken Advantage of

New Business that paid market rate for RENT, EQUIPMENT, PERMIT, MERCHANDISE, and HOURLY WORKERS is looking for a marginalized local artist to give us something for nothing.

If you jump through the numerous demoralizing and moronic hoops we set before you while being dramatically under compensated we will surely spread the word to our other parasitic merchant contemporaries that you are willing to be treated like a sucker. As an American artist you better get used to it.

* Compensation: Day Old Bagels and Scorn

This tongue-in-cheek posting does have a point.

Happy Friday!

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Written by Drea Knufken

Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.