If you can learn the art of trapeze, flip a coin 50 times, or guinea pigsit, you can probably do one of this week’s weird jobs:
1. MI: Trapeze artist wanted, no exp nec
I am trying to put together a trapeze act. I am looking to put together a double or french type act, not a flying act. I am looking for that one woman that would be interested in a real career.
I would provide housing food a little spending cash until the act is up and running, then when the training is complete, we split the proceeds. It does take a lot of work, but it is quite fun as well. All I require is that you be willing to travel, be in good physical shape, be 18 to 35, and be dedicated.
I have tried with quite a few partners, and as soon as the act gets to the point of adding a few real tricks, and a little polishing, they decide it is time to take advantage. I am a very easy person to get along with, and train at a good pace without pushing to hard. If you are willing and able, then do write back. Thank you for reading.
When will this guy figure out that the pimping model just doesn’t work on trapeze art?
2. FLA: Dirty Outdoors Job! Pond/pool maintenance
Person who is handy, with:
– Pool/Pond Cleaning and Maintenance experience (preferred, but not required).
– Knowledge of pumps and filters (preferred, but not required).
Must be able to:
– Work outdoors in hot or wet conditions
– Must be able to lift in excess of 50lbs
– Must be detail oriented and able to work without supervision
* Compensation: Depends on experience and quickness to learn
What we really mean by “dirty job” is that the pool is full of gators and chicken carcasses. But we’ll let you find that out for yourself.
3. CA: Develop software for a quantitative hedge fund
We’re looking for first-rank software developers to join our team.
Candidates should have a PhD, Masters degree, or undergraduate degree in Computer Science, Mathematics, or a related field. The successful applicant will have experience in object-oriented programming, agile software development, and algorithm design and implementation. Knowledge of Java, financial mathematics, Unix-based systems, MATLAB, and relational database systems is a plus.
For immediate consideration please do the following:
1) Prepare a cover letter.
2) Flip a coin 50 times. Record the results on your resume as a sequence of heads (H) or tails (T) symbols.
3) Email your cover letter and resume to us.
Interesting that the coin flipping came before the resume, isn’t it?
4. WA: Surrogate Needed
We are a upper-middle class couple in our 40’s. We are looking for a female who would be willing to bear a child for us. We would take care of all medical expenses as well as any personal needs during the pregnancy. We are also offering to pay a lump sum at the end of term. We are very loving and generous, and would take care of the right candidate for the rest of their lives.
Lump sum at the end of the term, eh? Could be quite the raw deal if anything happens in the process.
5. MA: Guinea pigsitting
I’m going out of town between December 20th and January 3rd, and I need someone to take care of my guinea pig. Newton is a 4-year-old male whose hobbies include blank staring and squawking when he runs out of carrots. Although he wrote the fundamental laws of physics in his younger years, he now prefers eating carpet to advancing the understanding of natural phenomena.
If you already have male guinea pigs and would like to pigsit one more, shoot me an email. I’ll pay you $75 to take care of his dumb ass for two weeks, and all you have to do is keep him warm, clean, and well-fed.