This Week’s Weird Jobs


Image: Philippe Semeria

What skills would you offer in exchange for a few good massage sessions? Web design? Housekeeping? Boobs? We couldn’t make this stuff up:

1. Denver: Boobs for Massage

I am a professional massage therapist looking for a plastic surgeon willing to trade massage for breast augmentation. I can do gift certificates, out calls, or you can come to my space. Partial trade is an option, though my budget is pretty small. If you are interested we can do a consult and see if we are a good fit. Only serious inquiries please, no spammers. Thanks!

Partial trade? I shudder to think of what that would look like.

2. Idaho: I will pay for ftp info

I will pay someone to show me how to upload a website to a server. contact me and we will discuss this. Yes, I am real and not a spam bot

It might be a more worthwhile investment for this person to learn to use Google and find instructions to do things he can’t figure out.

3. San Diego: Looking for guys and girls with Blue and Brown eyes for new campaign

Looking for guys and girls with Blue and Brown eyes for new campaign

Please send you face picture and full body shoot.
State your eye color and you favorite color to wear.

Also add you contact info so we can get a hold of you.

Compensation will be determined.

I hope to God this isn’t a government campaign.

4. Idaho: Dig a big hole

Please email me a quote to dig a hole to drop a trampoline into.
The dirt will remain on my property so there will be no disposal for you.
There is access to the back yard for machinery.

Thank you :-)

Please cover up the trampoline after we drop it in. We hate that thing.

5. NY: Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM.

WANTED:

One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives.

We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!

Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from inanimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for “precious”. This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.

This job posting is weird no matter how many times you read it.

Happy Friday!

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