This Week’s Weird Jobs

Image: Markhillary/Flickr

From best man to boxing trainer, Victorian-era model to critter urine cleaner, this week’s jobs are a showcase of the strange:

1. MA: Wanted URGENTLY: Best Man for wedding

Ok, so I’m backing out on my cousin last minute, and I before I do it, I need someone lined up to take my place, because I’m not sure that he’ll be able to find someone at such short notice.

Pay is $200+ (negotiable), plus a night in the hotel in question (I’ll sacrafice my room there for the right candidate).

You MUST have comprehensive experience in this position, have a TUX (because the one I have might not fit you), and have transport to and from the locations (to be divulged to selected candidate, but it’s in Holyoke).

Email me with a few pictures (preferably in a tux at a wedding, in the Best Man role) and brief history of experience in this position, and a telephone number where I can contact you.

This will be a one time contract job. You will be required to be available during the entire day, from 9am until 12am (perhaps even until 2am). You will be required to make a speech and fulfill other customary duties normally executed by the best man at weddings. If you happen to find a beautiful woman to dance the night away with, that’s fine, so long as the aforementioned duties are fulfilled in their entirety and in a satisfactory manner.

Due to the sensitivity of this position, and the short time available, please only apply if you are sincere, clinically sane & stable and experienced.

* Compensation: I’d like to get this done for $200, but it’s negotiable.

Professional impersonators, con artists, and wedding crashers, listen up! This job’s perfect for you.

2. OR: Need Female Models for Victorian Era

I am looking to create a series of Victorian Era “Peep Show” images. The finished images will be some of the most unique in your portfolio! These will be shot in my studio in downtown Salem and requires some nudity (bare breasts, and/or implied other). All nudity will be done in a very tasteful and artistic manner simulating the look of turn of the century (1880-1915) Peep Show postcards.

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These shots will not be done digitally, but will be shot using REAL period correct photographic equipment.

People with large tattoos, dreadlocks, and nipple rings need not apply.

3. OR: crawl space cleanup

I have critters living under my house. I am trapping them (hopefully) and then I am going to need some under the house restoration. You are welcome to bid on any or all of this project

remove feces
clean up all debris
remove urine soaked vapor barrier and install new
check for other damages
re-attach insulation

Said critters are actually a rare species of deadly subterranean snake. I say I’m trapping them to make you feel more secure. Just remember to sign my disclaimer before going under the house.

4. CA: Need someone to stand in line for iPhone

I am looking to hire someone to stand in line for the new iPhone. Location the Grove in Hollywood. Send your rate and let me known when you could start. This will be overnight gig. Thanks.

Come on Jason Bateman, we already know you got your iPhone by cutting to the front of the line.

5. OR: Need a Boxing Trainer

I am looking for someone to train me how to box. I need to work out and i am choosing boxing as my workout. I need someone who has all equipment and is available about 3-4 day out of the week. I will pay but i am looking to get a cheap price. Please -email me your information and an estimation of the price you will charge. Thank you. I prefer it to be a female. I would just be more conferrable around a female, and it can be at my place(its not that big, but your decision) with your equipment or your place whatever works out for you.

Translation: I’ll give you $5/hour to teach me to box in my 300 square foot studio apartment. You set up your equipment and make sure none if it breaks any windows or topples my mini-fridge. We will probably sweat on each other. But hey, at least I’m polite.

Happy Friday!

Written by Drea Knufken

Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.