This Week’s Weird Jobs

Image: TheeErin/Flickr

You, too, could get paid for cleaning a keg. Or yanking a chain. Or working for a fat bastard carnie, though that sounds like the worst possible option:

1. CA: Clean/ fix my kegerator

My company recently purchased a used 6 tap kegerator for our new office. It needs to be cleaned, the lines flushed, and a few minor things fixed. If you know how to do that, and can do so this week, please contact me.

The company kegerator needs repair? Where this guy work? Frat Boys R Us?

2. CA: Need someone to tighten my motorcycle chain; mayble clean it too

Need some to tighten the chain on my motorcycle; honda night hawk 450 82; I would do it myself but my tools are in storage; quick and easy job; hopefully you can clean it to. Ideally next Friday 6/25 in the late morning/early afternoon.

Let me know how much and your background when it comes to bikes.

Tighten his chain, yes. Yank his chain, not so fast.

3. CA: Looking For Alternative Woman to Teach Me to Sew

Hello my names Josh and I am a 25yr old musician who has always tryed to create my own style and design my clothes yet i have yet to master the skill of sewing with or without a machine. I am inheriting a sewing machine and I would like to make a new friend with a similiar musically minded woman around my age to hangout with me and teach me how to sew.

I have alot of contacts with big rockstars/musicians and we can eventually make stuff for them as well and maybe get some cool exposure. Anyways soo yea maybe i can pay you a lil for your time I wouldnt mind but id love to get a friend out off this or partner down the line. So get back to me with a lil info about you and we can set something up! Find me on facebook I look forward to your email!!

Translation: I took advantage of my last girlfriend and have nothing of value to contribute to a relationship. I also have no contact with anyone who is famous or remotely talented. Wanna stay over at my place and cook me breakfast?

4. NY: RE: looking for help running carnival games

To all people, this Darin is a fat cheap bastard.

You will make a few dollars an hour, and he eats away all of your profits. I have worked for this cheap fat bastard a few times, and I have learned my lesson. So please save yourself the heartache in working for this scumbag, he is not worth it.

He always posts this ad, it’s because so many people have quit on him in the past.

I had made less $30 in the 8 hours working each time for this loser, which he travels to far away places. It’s a 20% / 80% split on some carnival game the kids will never win on…he is so shady.

Good pay? Who is he kidding. Let him give you the 80% then.

I’d give all my tickets to watch this carnie fight live.

5. NY: Need an Unconventional Locksmith

I lost a key while working on a job site before, and it cost me almost $100 to replace.

This time, its in luggage lost by the airline! Not my fault. It’s NOT even a “special” key of any kind. Landlord just being a special kind of !@#$!?**!, and knows its not my fault.

Will not ask him for another since I have one inside apt. Anyone? Anyone?…..Bueller?

Not sure why an “unconventional” locksmith is needed for a key that is “not even a ‘special’ key of any kind.” Perhaps because the landlord is a “being a special kind of !@#$!?**!” to this poor soul? Anyone? Anyone?…..Bueller?

Happy Friday!

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Written by Drea Knufken

Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.