Photo: Chris Lori from Flickr
For this week’s post, I decided to explore the want ads on the other side of the employment spectrum, where people looking for work put on the best presentation the Internet will allow to attract potential employers.
Some posters’ ads were vague, lazy, or just plain random. I included eight of those posts below. Text is in its entirety unless tailed by an ellipses (…). Yes, people really are trying to find jobs with these ads:
1. For the right amount of money anything is possible, “anything”
Just like my posting says, got a job that you don’t want to do yourself cause of the risk involved, well like I said for the right amount of money anything is possible. Sorry not a for hire assassin! :)Got to draw the limit somewhere.
I can see this guy making a good henchman or subpoena giver.
2. Do you want the BEST graphic designer? Come check me out!
I currently live in Los Angeles and i’m looking for a freelance
or permanent graphic design position…
Would you reply to someone who started a job posting with Yo! ?
3. Need a Friend?
Offering companionship in return for a favor. Please contact if you feel this is a possibility.
4. Job Wanted: Available evenings and weekends
Hi I’m looking for a second job. I am available during the evening from 7:00pm and during the weekends.
Hey, you! Wanna clean toilets? How ’bout manning a tollbooth? You don’t want to, you say? Why didn’t you say so at the beginning?
5. Please look at my Resume :) will do anything !!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK ALMOST ANYTHING HAHA LOL :)
Another descriptive poster populates the job wanted ads.
6. Do you need some extra cash? You can have some extra cash if…
you help get, or give me a job. I’ve tried and tried and no luck. Now I’ll make a big sacrifice. 10-20% of each and every paycheck i receive until i get fired or quit. I will do my best to stay at the job. Imagine getting 40 or 80$ a week just for helping a guy out. Thats 160-240 a month for free. Here’s the catch… I want a job that has to do with typing and computers…See what you can do. 10-20% cut for you.
A new take on “will work for beans.” Worth hiring at minimum wage.
7. I write Commercials
I write commercials.
This was the actual posting, in its entirety. Not a very convincing pitch for someone who writes commercials.
8. GREAT STORY TELLER
I am a first-rate screenplay and novel writer ready to be discovered by a sharp producer and/or agent. I can prove it–read my work. Loglines of my work are available.
Dear Poster, please tell me if this approach works. That way, I will never have to attend another writer’s conference in my life, write queries, or do anything but post vague invitations on job wanted boards.