20 Most Hilarious (Yet Unfortunate) Company Names On Earth

Every business, they say, needs a catchy name – but some people evidently can’t tell the differance between ‘catchy’ and ‘ridiculous’. Would you have your haircut at Assman the barber or get a quote from Mammoth Erection scaffolders? Read on for some of the most unfortunately named companies on earth…

20. Mammoth Erection scaffolders

mammoth - 3

Finding a decent scaffolder can sometimes be hard. But if you phone up Mammoth Erection scaffolding asking for some long, firm poles, don’t be surprised if they hang up on you. And don’t be surprised if your bank manager raises his eyebrows when your payment clears at the end of the month.

19. Boring Business Systems

boring -

This might be passed off as one of those lame corporate jokes, if only the company wasn’t actually so mind-numbingly generic. ‘…mission statement… blah…innovative solutions…blah…’. Only call your company ‘Boring’ if you plan on using the skull and crossbones as your logo and having fireaters and topless dancers in the office.

18. Doggy Style Designs

doggy style

Absolutely nothing to do with Snoop Doggy Dogg’s soft porn emporium of the same name (we think). This dog outfitter undoubtedly thinks they’re being very funny and clever with this one – but I doubt if the little old lady down the road will be clothing her mangy cur with them.

17. S&M Amusements

s&m

Politicians and high court judges have been enjoying the illicit amusments of S&M for decades. But they might get a shock when, expecting Miss Whiplash, they are instead given a quote for coin-operated arcade machines.

16. Boxwell Brothers Funeral Directors

boxwell

When you choose to use a particular company, it’s nice to know they’re good at what they do – but the name Boxwell for a funeral services goes way past reassurance, beyond a sick joke and into the realms of the horrifyingly morbid. People want to be gloriously entombed, not boxed up and put in storage.

15. The Black Cock Bar, Italy

black cock - sapo essay

You’d think an Italian bar that was bothered enough to use an English name would also be bothered enough to check what that name meant. After all, calling your bar ‘The Black Cock’ as an exercise in marketing might severely limit your target audience – unless, of course, you’re that kind of bar.

14. Curl Up & Dye

curl up and dye

Yet another hairdressers who have hit upon the life-changing discovery of the dye/die pun – what a pity it’s not really helpful in the context of getting your hair cut. ‘See Paris & Dye’: maybe as a tourist novelty… ‘Curl Up & Dye’: no thanks, I just want a haircut…

13. Bimbo Bakeries

bimbo bakeries -

Another name that would be great if only it made sense. Bimbo could base themselves entirely around a range of novelty baked products for, or by, idiots – the dipsy doghnut, airhead loaf or clueless tart perhaps. As it is they don’t produce these products and their name is just dumb.

12. Pee Pee Gas

pee pee gas

The sign for Pee Pee Gas sits gloriously alongside another for Pee Pee Creek in Piketon, Ohio, providing endless fun for schoolboys and the immature everywhere. Unsurprisingly, for a company with such obviously limited marketing power, they don’t have a website.

11. Cowboys’ Meat Market

cowboy meat market,jpg

More Brokeback Mountain then Nantucket, this organic butcher shop in Massachusetts manages to make itself sound disturbingly like either an open air wild-west brothel, or a gay bar for cowboys. Maybe we’ve just got dirty minds…

10. Pizza Orgasmica

Pizza orgasmica

We’ve all heard the horror stories about unscrupulous male employees at McDonald’s putting a little something extra in your mikshake (yes, we do mean semen) – but openly putting ‘orgasmica’ in the name of your fast food company is surely business suicide. Mayonnaise anyone…?

9. Menlove Dental Practice

Menlove Dentist

You might think twice next time you’re due a quick check-up if your dentist is called this – everyday dentists’ sayings such as ‘open wide’ and ‘it’s just a little prick’ might take on a disturbing subtext.

8. Kum & Go

Kum and Go

Does this ever stop being funny? We thought Kum & Go was what women think all men do. Nope. The two gentleman who created these highway stores cunningly combined the first letters of their surnames – evidently they were so pleased with themselves, they didn’t notice until it was too late. Woops.

7. Kidsexchange

kidsexchange

Why, oh why, write Kids Exchange as one word? Has nobody noticed it looks more like Kid Sex Change or Kid Sex Exchange? Surely advertising this business is a quickfire way to go straight to jail. Exchange your kids for sex? Don’t think so.

6. Cock’s Restaurant, NY

Cocks - good

Hard to tell with this one – do they have cocks on the menu, cater to a clientele of cocks or are they simply trying to set up a nude male restaurant to rival to Hooters? Perhaps, they just don’t care.

5. Assman the Barber

assman barber

It’s hard to feel this name has any merit other than the fact it is the family name – surely you would have changed it by deed poll ages before starting up a barber shop…? In any case, we dread to think what kind of haircuts the delightfully named Assman specialises in. Or what it smells like in his shop.

4. Camel Towing

camel towing

For those of you not familiar with the phrase ‘camel toe’ it is the phenomenon that occurs when a woman’s most delicate area is visible through tight pants (and said to resemble a camel toe) – popularised by the film, The Weatherman. The reality of Camel Towing, a breakdown service in Atlanta, is not quite as raunchy as it first appears. More’s the pity.

3. Dirty Dick’s Crab House

dirty dick

Wrong on so many levels. We can state with a high degree of certainty that we will never be ordering any food from ‘Dirty Dick’s Crab House’ for fear their secret ingredient is male member complete with crabs. If you don’t believe us check out the cartoon of ‘Dirty Dick’ – does he look like the kind of man who might have crabs to you? Exactly

2. Kuntz Insurance Group

kuntz

You’d assume that no respectable man or woman would ever purchase insurance from a bunch of Kuntz? Perhaps part of being respectable is being able to look past these things…

1. Fuk Mi Sushi Bar

fuk_mi

If ever there was a case of lost in translation, this is it. So abominably named, it’s like something out of the Simpsons – the employees of this firm must have a hell of a laugh every day with classics like ‘ask me where the best sushi bar is and I’ll just say Fuk Mi’, or answering the phone ‘Fuk Mi, how can I help?’. Or alternatively, a little piece of them might die every time they hear these same lame jokes.

All logos are copyright of their respective companies. Images from: n_carpanzo, spacetimecurvature, gdodson, ry vision.

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Comments

  1. Cheap's Gravatar Comment by Cheap on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    why dont they change the name or pick something diffrent from the start

  2. Monica Dickey's Gravatar Comment by Monica Dickey on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    haha I can see the restaurant ones working in their favor. For someone just walking in off the street a fun or interesting name could be a good draw.

    However, kidsexchange… not so much. lol

  3. Duncan Lamb's Gravatar Comment by Duncan Lamb on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
  4. mikebo's Gravatar Comment by mikebo on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    pizza orgasmica may be suicide in some places, but it’s been no problem in a town like san francisco. their business is booming

  5. Jm's Gravatar Comment by Jm on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Dirty Dicks is named like that on purpose, its a huge running joke, and they even sell t-shirts with “I got my crabs at dirty dicks” on them. Maybe back in the day, it was an accident, but the managers have defiantly caught on and encouraged the joke.

  6. jeremos's Gravatar Comment by jeremos on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    You need to check Dwight IL for an insurance company called Hooker Agency LTD.

  7. Jeremy's Gravatar Comment by Jeremy on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    down the street from me is a place called Wringer Chiropractic.

  8. jojo's Gravatar Comment by jojo on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Bimbo Bakeries is entemans cakes and donuts. they are everywhere.

    personally i thought the same thing when they sent me coupos. my wife was wondering why i was getting mail from Bimbo Bakeries.

  9. Scott's Gravatar Comment by Scott on November 2nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    I think the best (or worst) is Planet Urine (visit PlanetUrine.biz)

    Scott

  10. jk's Gravatar Comment by jk on November 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm

    I hate to burst your bubble, but your #1 is a Photoshop job. The real name of the restaurant (which is a Houston-area chain) is Fu-Kim, which is almost as funny in its own right.

  11. me's Gravatar Comment by me on November 2nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    Bimbo is mexican.. that’s why the stupid, nonsense name.

  12. Rich s's Gravatar Comment by Rich s on November 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    They forgot Beaver Liquors and Masturbate and Tackle both from Co.

  13. as's Gravatar Comment by as on November 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 am

    Orgasmica and Dirty Dicks are examples of GOOD branding, not poor branding. It’s called niche marketing.

  14. Teigan's Gravatar Comment by Teigan on November 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 am

    reminds me of a bar in Perth that i used to frequent.

    The Lucky Shag.

    name of course after the Shags that line the river drying their wings.

  15. Keith De La Rue's Gravatar Comment by Keith De La Rue on November 3rd, 2009 at 5:13 am

    You do realise that the name “Curl Up & Die” was used in the movie Blues Brothers? That’s where Carrie Fisher’s character was planning her next attack on Jake. The name was used (at least briefly) by an actual beauty parlour in Melbourne (Australia) some time ago, too.

  16. Mauricio's Gravatar Comment by Mauricio on November 3rd, 2009 at 9:27 am

    You missed Pen Island. http://www.penisland.net/

  17. Dempster's Gravatar Comment by Dempster on November 3rd, 2009 at 9:40 am

    How about Amigone Funeral Home in the Buffalo, NY area?

  18. Bald's Gravatar Comment by Bald on November 3rd, 2009 at 10:02 am

    Check out Dr. Will Tickle, Chiropractor. Can’t drive past his sign without chuckling…

  19. BillyBob's Gravatar Comment by BillyBob on November 3rd, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Cum & Go = also known as, ejaculate and evacuate.

  20. dom's Gravatar Comment by dom on November 3rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    When I lived in Hong Kong there was a Fuk Hing photo processing shop on Queens Road East, and around the corner was Euronate tiles and bathroom supplies

  21. Jeff's Gravatar Comment by Jeff on November 3rd, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    You missed BIG ASS FANS http://www.bigassfans.com/

  22. grimdeath's Gravatar Comment by grimdeath on November 3rd, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    We have a Kock’s Liquor here…that one cracks me up and the other day I saw a van for a plumbing company called Gamble Plumbing….not sure I would take that gamble.

  23. Andrew's Gravatar Comment by Andrew on November 3rd, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Ha I hadn’t seen any of these yet.

  24. lala's Gravatar Comment by lala on November 3rd, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    pizza orgasmica is hugely popular here in san francisco. at the one on fillmore by all the bars, there is often more than a 1 hour line just to get a slice at 1 am!

  25. Ben's Gravatar Comment by Ben on November 4th, 2009 at 4:58 am

    haha very fresh and cool article. I just bookmarked, stumbled and tweeted this post

  26. Douglas's Gravatar Comment by Douglas on November 4th, 2009 at 6:49 am

    I think the Barber might have a cousin in Prince George BC, Canada. There’s an Assman funeral home here.

  27. BebopDesigner's Gravatar Comment by BebopDesigner on November 4th, 2009 at 8:39 am

    What were they thinking! Brilliant post… I’m sharing this

  28. Iek's Gravatar Comment by Iek on November 4th, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    In Toronto there is a Dry Cleaners called “Beaver Cleaners”, LOL! But I really love the sign for the Camel Towing company…”We pull’em out!” LOL, guess they leave you with out a camel toe!

  29. Paul5's Gravatar Comment by Paul5 on November 4th, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    Some people just don’t think about how names will sound

  30. BareBeliever's Gravatar Comment by BareBeliever on November 5th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    my oh my! i’ve actually been to #10 pizza orgasmica, and let me say… it is delicious!

    in case your curiosity gets the best of you, it’s a tiny San Francisco hole in the wall (haha makes me think of some other holes that probably exist in SF walls).

  31. Hilarious Joker's Gravatar Comment by Hilarious Joker on November 5th, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    The more I read it, the more it impresses me. I don’t know how I ever worked without hilarious and funny things in our life, Life would be so much easier especially when there’s a jokes here and there. Being funny is nice because a lot of serious people are lacking with this kind of behavior that is why they are much look older. I would like to thank you for your outstanding blog post. Keep it up! Awesome!

  32. Jeweles's Gravatar Comment by Jeweles on December 4th, 2009 at 7:45 am

    A lot of these seem to be intentional. Curl Up & Dye is obviously intentional. The Black Pub however. .

  33. wordy's Gravatar Comment by wordy on December 8th, 2009 at 4:50 am

    A lot of these seem to be intentional. Curl Up & Dye is obviously intentional. The Black Pub however. .

  34. mymments's Gravatar Comment by mymments on December 13th, 2009 at 8:20 am

    the Camel towing picture looks like a design for one of those smartassy shirts.

  35. -kg-'s Gravatar Comment by -kg- on January 22nd, 2010 at 3:11 am

    Many years back in Harrisburg IL there was a used auto company by the name of “Swindle & Cheatum”. The last names of the two owners. As far as I know, it no longer exists, but it amused my father to no end. It existed when he was young.

  36. Fred's Gravatar Comment by Fred on April 14th, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    In Connecticut there’s a computer repair company called Effin Computers.

    http://www.effincomputers.com

    That name still makes me laugh

  37. Pat's Gravatar Comment by Pat on September 30th, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Saw this in a small town in northern MN. “Dick Liquors”.

  38. Brenda's Gravatar Comment by Brenda on December 4th, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    In Sevierville TN is a furniture store called Badcock’s. Oh I had fun with that one. Still crack’s me up! :) )

  39. ander's Gravatar Comment by ander on January 6th, 2011 at 3:17 am

    Sorry to disappoint you, but the “Fuk Mi” photo is actually a Photoshopped version of one of the “Fu Kim” chain’s locations. :? (

  40. Bob's Gravatar Comment by Bob on March 12th, 2011 at 11:27 am

    One of my all time favorites was: El Paso Natural Gas. Co.

  41. J-P's Gravatar Comment by J-P on April 19th, 2011 at 8:10 am

    I’m kind of missing the Israeli Gas company names PazGaz

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