This Week’s Weird Jobs

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Image: Geekfitters

Before you read this week’s weird jobs, ask yourself what kind of job opening this sentence might have come from: Must be a natural go-getter with an adaptable mind set to 21st century creative approach to kingdom expansion. Hint: It’s has nothing to do with video game testing.

1. New York: $30/hour: Personal Introduction Assistant / “wingwoman”

We have an opening for a part-time personal introduction assistant, aka a “wingwoman.”

You must be classy and dress well.

Beyond that you must be able to do 4 things: 1) start conversations with beautiful women; 2) after that, remain totally silent, unless spoken directly to, but smile and look friendly while the man you are “winging” orchestrates the social situation; 3) socialize and block any man or woman attempting to interfere with the man you are winging and any woman he is chatting with; and 4) end any conversation you are having instantly at the direction of the man you are winging. These requirements are essential, not for everyone, and difficult to do well.

Now, this is a job (that’s why you get paid), but it’s very fun, and you may even make new friends, or even meet someone special, if it doesn’t interfere with your primary employment purpose.

This job is not for you if you are uptight, frumpy, grumpy, shy, a man-hater, a debbie downer, a critic, a control freak, a pouter, a therapist, researching, writing an article, with the press, a prostitute, an escort, a relationship counselor, or a feminist with a bone to pick. Gack.

You must be 18, usually 21 for the events we attend. All work is in public at cocktail parties, charity benefits, museum openings, and the like. You will be added to any list in advance, and any fees for the event will be paid. You are responsible for transportion. Subways are $2. Although many events have free food and drink, this isn’t dating, so don’t ask to be bought anything. If you do ask, by mistake, don’t be grumpy and bring the mood down when the answer is a polite no, or you will be paid for the time you have spent and politely sent packing.

This job is definitely for you if you are easygoing, classy, dress extremely well, and enjoy many, varied, and sometimes challenging social situations.

Wow.

2. Maryland: Dance Hall Manager


Glen Echo Park seeks a part-time Hall Manager to manage and monitor public dance events and private events in the Park’s Spanish Ballroom and Bumper Car Pavilion. The Hall Manager will work with groups who sponsor dances in both venues and/or work with private parties to ensure appropriate management of their events, provide technical support such as stage and hall lighting, oversee the financial transactions and accounting, open and close the venues, liaise with Park Rangers and Park Police regarding any safety or security issues, and be an excellent representative for Glen Echo Park to the public and the collaborating groups.

Agorophobics and music-haters need not apply.

3. Washington, DC: Great Job for Pastors!

Start-up, faith based International Community development firm seeks seasoned, word grounded and progressive pastors in the DC metro area looking to join a revolutionary team.

Position entails networking with churches to bring them into our “Development Angel” Program, Marketing and promotion of the “monument for the christ” piece, International church planting assistance to churches, International outreach and missions cordination, communications and management of various faith brands that we develop.

Must be a natural go-getter with an adaptable mind set to 21st century creative approach to kingdom expansion.

• Compensation: negotiable-$60k base plus bonuses

4. Toronto: Female office cleaner required

We are looking for a female cleaner to do janitorial work.

Duties will include:

Replenishing and cleaning bathrooms
Sweeping/mopping of floors
Cleaning glass windows
Washing Dishes and putting them away
Replenishing garbage bins

We need someone to start on July 13, 2009, this is a one week assignment for the time being.

Why do they need a female, especially if it’s only for a week? Just askin.’

5. Perfect Job for Chocolate Lovers

Our company is marketing a Patent Pending formula of a natural sweetner for chocolate instead of SUGAR!

This is a naturally organic product which is good for you. Perfect for diabetics.

We are looking for candidates to market this product to natural health food stores, candy stores, health and wellness centers, dental offices, naturopaths etc.

Nice job post, but it has a fatal flaw. The only real way to attract chocolate lovers is to offer FREE CHOCOLATE as the #1 job perk.

Happy Friday!