This Week’s Vague and Confusing Jobs

Like a Vegas casino, many of this week’s jobs are hard to navigate. Most–like a Vegas casino–are also located in Vegas. See how many of the first four gigs from this list you can actually comprehend:

1. Las Vegas: I need a animal to market me

I’m a comedian/inspirational speaker looking for management. I need some direction from someone that has a clue. This has the potential to be huge.

So you literally need an…animal?

2. Netherlands: International Business Man is looking for serious people

International Business Man, from the Netherlands – Europe, is looking for qualified individuals to launch a very successful business with award winning products into the market.
For more information please reply with , email and telephone number and best time you can be reached.

Serious enquiries only!

This post, like the animals post above, is vague to the point of confusion. Is the person an international businessman? Or is the company literally called International Business Man? I’m getting a headache.

3. Denver: Plumber

Need custom trim plumber, must be experienced in custom, high-end. Bodiget. Brush nickle p-traps. MUST HAVE ALL TOOLS AND TRANSPORTATION. Must be apprentice or journeyman. $20 per hour. Paid weekly–CASH

This plumber ain’t making beans. He should talk to Joe instead.

4. Las Vegas: the best juice ever!

The best fruit of the world ACAI berry! opera even takes them for her diet. If you don’t know about this product, you have to at least try once.

… as far as the product business goes… it is all about people’s connection and marketing and strong believe in this product. this is the best opportunity you can find for your health and financial benefits.

• Compensation: Juice

The compensation kind of sucks. But the juice sounds good, especially if “Opera” drinks it.

5. Las Vegas: Government Bailout – SALES OFFICE – Great Commissions

The NEW Government Bailout Bill has passed and the funds are being disbursed to banks and lending firms. As a result we are now recruiting potential individuals at our sales center to qualify our homeowners for this new program.

– NO Experience is needed
– Talk to approximately 30-40 prospects a day who have requested to be contact
– Help gather information from homeowners to qualify for new mortgage terms
– Work with our Loan Officers to maintain a constant pipeline of prospect

This position is commission based and our average agents earns $800-$1000/week!

This could be the easiest inside sales job ever.

6. Las Vegas: Wealth Advisor

A prestigious nation-wide network of community banks is currently expanding and in need of Investment Executives. Candidate should be professional, team players and feel comfortable with filling a wealth management role as well. This full-service investments program caters to high net-worth individuals and small business accounts.

Responsibilities Include: recommend appropriate investment strategies to clients based on their profile, maintain accurate investment customer records, attract and retain client relationships.

You may not use the words “wait” or “sit tight” more than 20 times a day.

7. Las Vegas: Full Time Breakfast Attendant

Full Time Breakfast Attendant- Responsible for set up of breakfast cold items, cleaning, and restocking as necessary during breakfast and clean up after breakfast. Other duties assigned.

Some positions require the ability to stand for long periods of time, bend, kneel, and the ability to lift up to 50 pounds and work indoors and outdoors.

You will spend 40 hours a week as a breakfast attendant. By gosh, you must *really* like breakfast.

8. Las Vegas: Sales Rep

I’m looking for a sales rep (one) who is the most spectacular in-home sales rep who ever lived.
I’m not looking for anyone who ‘thinks they can do it’, or ‘knows they can do it’; I’m looking for someone who’s doing it.

The Neptune Society offers these reps positions to 1099 self employed people who understand that one thing, and one thing only will cause success – and that is work.

I’m hiring a professional. Someone who knows how to dress, speak and behave like an adult who is on a quest to help people and to make a ton of money while doing so.

The most spectacular sales rep ever to live seems like a tall order, until you look at the business, which is to sell cremation services to people. The poster might actually not be exaggerating.

Happy Halloween Friday!

Written by Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.