Bailout Wine Offers Best of Derivatives, Wine, and a Dwindling Economy

Do you ever kind of miss the high life?
You know, the days of derivatives, reliable 401Ks, and fine wine? The folks at Bailout Wine have figured out a way to combine pining for days of yore with today’s bailout realities. From the bailout wine website:

Just like you, we here at Crushpad have been obsessing as our 401k’s sink like a stone. But we put our anxiety on hold, put on our day trading hats and figured out a way to combine winemaking and derivatives to create Bailout – a wine that is dynamically priced to balance out any pain your retirement account may be feeling.

The big guys have credit default swaps and billion dollar bailouts. Well, we’ve got Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon – our own little piece of the bailout pie whether the market rocks or tanks.

For $39, you purchase futures on an awesome 2007 Napa Cabernet currently aging in French oak barrels. The wine will be bottled in August 2009. If the Dow goes down, you get an economic stimulus check of $2 per bottle for every 100 point drop. If it goes up, then your 401K is looking good and the maximum of $39 is a steal for similar wines we produce that command $75+ at retail. Bull or bear, you can’t lose.

These guys make a Dow crash look yummy.

Written by Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.