This Week’s Weird Jobs

Image: Robert Thomson/Flickr

Bead mentor? Celeb spotter?
What will they think of next? Oh right, penis measurer:

1. Chicago: Looking for a beard mentor

I’ve had a moustache and beard off and on over the years, and I’ve tried styling it in the past but I just can’t seem to get it to the next level. I’m looking for some srs protips with this, as well as possibly some styling services by someone with skilled hands. Please submit to me your beard/moustache resume. Also if you have pictures of you achievements that would be greatly appreciated.

I’m currently having trouble with getting my handlebar working correctly as well as keeping the sideburns even.

This is ‘srs bsns’ (serious business) as I’ve been informed I need to style it up, shave it off, or loose my job. (I work in adult daycare.)

* Compensation: negotiable depending on services

I’d love to see a picture of this guy.

2. CA: Need a cop uniform and cop car (can be undercover)

Looking for an actor or just anyone who can rent a cop uniform and cop car for a night. The cop car can be undercover too. If you’re an actor you will get copy, credit, pay and if your not we will obviously pay to rent. Thanks!! Email me with any questions etc.

Look, we’re actually planning on robbing a bank. The better an actor you are, the more likely we are to get away.

3. CA: celeb sightings pay well

celeb sightings pay well

If you know of a celeb location in real time i will pay you for your info and tip, all info anonymous and confidential, fast pay guaranteed , thanks

* Compensation: 20 – 100 +

Shout out to all burned out actors–here’s your chance to get publicity and get paid!

4. NY: $40 hedge trim job needs done Sunday

Need some one with experience to trim hedges. Electric trimmer will be provided. Job needs to be done in the morning, May 16.

* Compensation: $40

My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and I’m too busy playing Crackdown 2 to make the hedges look good.

5. Vancouver: Penis Measuring

A friend of mine and I have been having a long-standing argument about whose penis is larger. We’ve tried having our girlfriends confirm to the other the exact size, but neither one of us buy it. I don’t want to see his penis and he doesn’t want to see mine. I don’t want my girlfriend looking at his penis and he doesn’t was his looking at mine.

So… We just need a girl to look at both of our penises (individually) and then to both of our faces say which one is bigger. We can’t pay much. $50.

* Compensation: $50

My friend will bribe you an extra $50 to say his is bigger.

Happy Friday!

Written by Drea Knufken

Currently, I create and execute content- and PR strategies for clients, including thought leadership and messaging. I also ghostwrite and produce press releases, white papers, case studies and other collateral.